Just Best Friends! lol

Hey me it's you again and I must say, I read that last blog of yours after so long and damn, you were one sad ass man. Must admit though, you're bold for writing all of that here lol.
But now onto the real reason I'm here.
I'm here to talk about best friends...best friends!?...yes...my female best friends
O.o ------> This sounds like trouble
Here we go
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I wrote so much just now and deleted it. Too much info for the world. What I've come to realize is that every female best friend I've ever seriously liked and loved are currently all present in my life. For some reason and I'm not sure why. Past and present but no future. What bothers me about this, is the fact that I liked all of them. I always end up liking my female bests with the exception of a few. We grow close, I reveal my feelings and bam! It all crumbles. This isn't a pity party or anything like that but rather thoughts of confusion. As far as I can see you take a chance letting a girl know how you feel and well...it just doesnt work out and it becomes awkward and friendships fade painfully slow. But! If you don't say anything you miss your chance and years later your best friend will you say "awww, why didn't you say anything?"
Where's the motherfucking logic here?
The women I choose...they're all different from each other, even their personalities, looks, and all of that except they're all black o.O and this I just realized, wow!
Anyway, maybe I shouldn't be friends first with these girls because they all say the same shit "you deserve a nice girl"..."you deserve better"..."I'm not right for you"..."I don't know how I feel about you"...and my favorite and most said "you're a great guy..."
I'm 20 now and I'm used to this so I don't get depressed (I think) anymore but it's still disappointing :(
I do my best to accept these girls for all they are and can give me, especially their flaws because as humans we grow and I just wanted to grow with them. Each have something about them that I love and their insecurities never bother me because I make it my job to make them feel better about such things.
I'm not trying to boast but I feel as though I am a great guy and over the years I've been fixing my flaws so every year I'm a better catch lol.

So what am I doing wrong?
1) Friends first?
2) Showing how much I care too soon?
3) Listening to their problems too much?
4) Being a fucking nice guy?
5) Telling them about myself about my past at any point?
6) Perhaps just bad timing and bad luck?

I think it's #6. If has to be. Then again, I'm not their fucking type lmao.
I never was at any point. All I ever had was qualities of their type. Each girl had something or things about her that made her special to me. I stopped looking for Layla (my dream girl) a long time ago...why?...because she doesn't exist...not yet...remember humans grow and my future wife will be that dream girl. Anyway, there's something about me that these girls don't like. One thing is for sure. They were all afraid of the feelings they have/had/thought they might've had or had.

It's weird, mothers love me lol and older women always feel the need to treat me with much motherly kindness. Yet, I was never a momma's boy but then again, I never really had that chance lol.

So, I'll always be that nice guy who's very understanding, kind, loving, caring, loyal, smart, and mother friendly but I honestly just give up. None of these girls feel/felt the same way about me (except one-but never again). I don't regret chasing because I learned a lot. I'm the best friend kind of guy lol. I'll just stick with all these straining friendships that's been left after the rubble and continue on with my life. I do believe in love and always will but it's a new year and I've come to just feel like it's just not out there for me, at least a girl that'll feel the same about me . I like/love too hard too soon :)

Question: isn't your partner supposed to be your best friend? Sooo am I really wrong for wanting to reveal my feelings to a best friend? Because regardless, a good relationship is built off a good friendship and trust.

I feel like an old ass man with my mentality. I think that maybe these other guys may have a point. I'm young, maybe I should stop caring about other's feelings and just have sex with a whole bunch of girls, party, drink, and get high?....Nahhhhh lmfao...sounds like a waste of my time.

Well Neptune, here goes another blog entry. You know you're quite pathetic and encouraging at the same time lol.
Til next time Mibba.