Comment Swap/Free Reads

Comment Swap won't give me any new stories. I'm still waiting for comments too. I wish it wasn't so glitchy.

I just wrote a story for a contest, and I really would like some feedback. It's a My Chemical Romance fan-fiction. But it's set in a alternative universe where Gerard and Michael are not in a band. It's also based on the children's story, Bloody Mary.

The contest says I cannot add romance. Not even a little bit, in the story. It's a huge stretch because MCR is infamous for slash and romance. I think I can do okay.

Here Is The Story

Can someone please comment swap with me. Or at least tell me what needs to be fixed. Ill give you a free comment on another story too if you'll like.