How do you go on??

I lay on the floor, my body trembling, my breathing uneven and all I want to do is cry out. I wish it wasn't so hard, I don't want to spend hours doing this every single day but I have to. If I want to feel better, I must continue this. I don't want to feel so ugly and gross all the time so I need to continue.

Working out is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.... Well, not really but it takes a lot of effort and I'm hoping that in the end, it will all pay off.

I hope to lose thirty pounds by July. I don't think that's too bad since that's like five, six months from now. That's like five pounds a month, if I reach my goal. I'm not doing this so I'll have a summer body because I don't go out during the day anyway (the sun messes with my rosacea and makes my cheeks all itchy and uncomfortable). I'm doing this because I want to.

I want to wear shorts and a tank top and not feel like people are talking about me behind my back. I want to be able to dance along with everyone else without feeling fat, tired, and just gross. I want to do so much that I can't do right now because I'm not as confident as I could be.

Every time I want to quit (usually right before I do my exercise routine) I look at my posters of Niall and Harry. They're smiling at me as if to say 'you can do it, just get up and start. You'll be finished soon.' It makes a huge difference because it makes me work harder than ever.

I weigh 176.5 ibs. as of right now and I'm hoping that by this time next year, I'll be 115 ibs. That's a whopping 61.5 ibs. that I need to lose. Again, not that bad, it's like five pounds a month which is very doable if I keep up with working out. I'm 4'll so that bmi thing says I should weigh 115, it'll probably not work out that way because my boobs don't shrink when I lose weight.

I've already lost two pounds but my boobs grew out of the bra that I have. How does that even make sense? Stupid jerks won't quit. I'm hoping that with this working out stuff, they'll go down a couple sizes, maybe even go down to a C.

Is anyone else working out this year? How do you go on when you really just have no motivation? What's your reason for working out?
January 8th, 2013 at 05:35pm