One more summer?

My legs are starting to feel achy. I try walking and they feel better for a little bit, but then it comes back. This is worrisome for me because it means the cancer could be spreading into my spinal cord or something. I have been praying for one more summer and I feel like it is going to happen, but I keep forgetting that even though I am praying for one more summer, I don't know what shape I will be in for that last summer.

I am trying this "hippie" diet stuff. I started taking these pills that are meant for dogs normally and some that look the same as the dog pills, but are meant for humans to clean out my body. I am taking sugar out of my diet, other than natural sugars from fruits, which is super hard because my favorite food group is ice cream.

A couple nights ago my mom asked if I have ever thought about planning my funeral while I am feeling well and I have been in my head for awhile. I told her about the one time that has been stuck in my mind since Junior High. I was sitting at the dinner table with my brother and dad and we had the music on. Beautiful Goodbye by Jennifer Hanson came on and I said I want this song to be played at my funeral. My dad told me it was too early to think about that stuff. I think I made some comment about how you never know when something could go wrong, such as a car accident or something. Lo' and behold about three to four years later I am diagnosed with a life threatening disease!

The night after my mom asked me that my dad said that I should think about writing down my wishes if I were to have a stroke or something.

I think I am going to write down my wishes on here right now.

If I were to have a stroke and go into a coma, I would want them to wait nine months to take me off life support. If I were to have a stroke and end up in a wheelchair and was able to communicate only a little...that is harder to think about. I wouldn't want to put the burden of taking care of me on my family as if I were a little baby again, but at the same time...what are they going to do? Kill me because I am in a wheelchair. i don't think so. I think I would want to be in a hospital, but bills for a half alive Megan for who knows how long?

I contacted Howie from the show Mobbed to see if he could possible start planning a flash mob for my funeral to make people smile in a time of sadness and thank everyone for everything they have done for my family and I.

I wish God would just flash a big neon sign my way and let me know which way to go about things. There are so many questions.