Can someone review my essay?

Preferably someone who has graduated high school. I'm applying for a scholarship with NHS and I had to write an essay. I really need the money, so I'm looking for as much feedback and help as possible. So, if you're really good at writing essays, could you please help me out?

If it's important yet, the topic is we have to pick one of the pillars of character and write about why it's valuable and how we have shown it throughout our high school career. Also, the essay can be no longer than 300 words. I have 236 right now, so I don't see the word maximum as a problem. And if it's important, I chose responsibility.

So, if you're willing to help, could you just message me? If more than one person messages me, I'm okay with that because the more feedback the better.
January 12th, 2013 at 04:14pm