I hate myself right now, I wish I couldn't feel today.

I broke up with my boyfriend last night as we were high in his car, we had just tried to have sex but were too high to get it to really work. Beautiful timing, fucking love it. I had been feeling for a while that we weren't really right for each other, he is super amazing but I just didn't feel any chemistry. I liked to hang out with him and have sex, but I didn't have any urge to kiss him. That's got to be a sign right? He kept saying how I was the best thing that ever happened to him, and I know I couldn't say the same. But I'm so attached to him, and we had so many good times together. I can't stand the thought that we'll never hang out again, you have no idea. What the fuck and I supposed to do? Breaking up with him was about the worst thing ever, he just kept asking why I was doing this to him. He said he was totally blindsided, and I feel like a piece of shit. I was just trying to do the right thing, I think he was more into it than I was, romantically. Its not fair to drag it out with someone you know you'll never be in love with, right? Especially if they might be? I can't stop crying though, I feel physically ill. I hate this so much, I hurt him and hurt me and am just a bitch. I would do anything to make him stop hurting, but I can't because it's my fault.
It doesn't even feel like my life anymore, I don't know what I'm doing at all. No fucking clue.