I Need A Lot Of People Who Talk/Co-write With Me To Read This

I'm just so ugh,idk,I need a hug or something,I'm so depressed again lately and I'm so mentally exhausted it's psyhically sickening,I haven't been eating lately because of it all,I just feel like I'm on my death bed,having to do 2 finals and trying to finish up my freshman year for the second time early is so stressful I feel like I'm about to just start crying any second somedays. I mean,all I've been doing is sleeping,it's like my depression/bipolar before it was ever "treated" times a thousand,I want to write so badly but then my mind goes blank because my focus is horrible right now too,my memory is so crap lately everything I need to remember my friends have to tell me or I have to put it onto my phone,I need a vacation from my life for awhile or something. I never post about this stuff outside of tumblr but here's a few things,I've been trying to recover from a pill addiction I've had since I was 14 and it's been failing a lot lately and I've been sober again since the 7th of this month,it's stressing me out more thinking I could fail any minute again because of my mental exhaustion,I also have been trying to kick this stupid eating disorder I've had since the beginning of middle school aka I was 12,they've had me diagnosed with bulimia and anorexia(even though I'm far from "underweight"),and for some reason it's like the loss of appetite is no big deal and even touching food scares me,which isn't a good thing either since my therapist is out until something in the late summer because she's having a child and our only hospital around is such shit they actually feed your problems and keep you longer when you "are getting worse with their help",I've been there so many times I can truly say it's a useless trip and bill...ugh,I'm sorry to anyone on here I talk to if I've come off as a bitch or snippy but I go through a lot no one knows about outside of a occasional tumblr post or a close friend,even then yeah....