I wrote this from tumblr.

I have no friends in real life. I stare at a computer screen all day. Yes, that’s right. My ‘true’ friends are all online. Because in real life, I don’t know how to make friends. I’m autistic, what do you expect? It’s hard to make friends. It’s hard to be myself. It’s hard to go to the mall and see people hanging out or having my friends talk about their friends. It’s hard when I don’t have a shoulder to cry on or someone to hug. I just… sometimes I hate being autistic because I want to be normal.

I’m also a victim of real life and cyber bullying. Simple Plan helped me one time with their songs Shut Up and Don’t wanna think about you. My parents don’t understand me, hardly anyone does. I just don’t know what I’d do if they didn’t come into my life again. I really needed them to make me feel okay again.

I listen to them and everything is okay again. I know that I’m not alone because I bet there are people out there that are just like me. Simple Plan taught me that. I’m not asking for sympathy. I’m simply telling you what they mean to me.

They’re the only thing keeping me strong right now. I could cry right now because they mean that much to me. You wouldn’t have any idea the mess I’ve gotten into. I bottle up my emotions because I can’t express them. I choke on my words and sometimes have to use writing just to express myself.

If anyone can make me laugh, it’s David. His voice calms me, but his craziness always makes me laugh. That’s why he’s my idol. He’s always been the one to make me crack smile, even when I was so down that nothing could make me smile. I should have met him in 2004 but I didn’t.

My mom was in a hurry. After that I had two dreams about him and each dream he slipped away and I woke up wanting to cry. I wanted to meet him so bad and I wished it was David instead of Pierre sometimes. But I do adore Pierre too. David is just… knowing how weird and crazy he is, it makes me feel like it’s okay to be myself.

David helped me so much. I want to tell him everything, tell him about my dreams, about how he showed me how to be myself and how he made me smile every time I was down. I just don’t know if I’ll ever get that chance. It makes me cry just thinking about it.

Sure, you see me fangirl over him, but he’s also my idol. I just adore him so much that I want to run to him and hug him. I want one of his hugs and I want to hold that hug for five seconds of my life, knowing that my dreams finally came true. I had a dream recently that I met him and I hung out with him. I woke up happy while wanting to cry.

I wanted to cry because I actually thought it was real. It was so vivid that I thought I was actually there. I want to meet him so bad that… I just do. I really wish I could have met him in 2004. But then, I never would have realized how much he meant to me if I did.

So yeah. Sorry this is so long to read. I just want to be understood, not kicked or pushed or anything. That’s all I ever wanted is to be understood.