things I must come to terms with

I'm a miserable writer and now I just realized I have to come to terms with that. Not always necessarily miserable but when I am I am the most miserable a person can be.
Yes I've also come to terms with the fact that lately I am hating everyone much more then usual; not my beloved friends or even my frustrating family, but everyone else who I do not personally know. I guess you could say I hate everyone I do not like but it doesn't help much. It's a bit extreme but it is the truth and at least I'm self aware. If I do not like you I probably hate you, there are no real grey areas with me. At least when it comes to people around here, who go to school and are the same age as me. When there is grey there's more grey then anything else and the grey almost chokes you it's so thick and there's so much of it it's like you're breathing in grey, grey, grey and all of that indecisiveness scrapes your lungs and cuts them up like volcanic ash.
I hate the internet because it reminds me about all of those people I hate. And I don't feel bad for hating the people I just lack the motive or the reason for hating them in the first place. I do not know these people but I hate them. Is there a word for that?
Also I have to begin being open with the fact that I am a writer instead of telling myself I'm not a real writer and I am just a half ass. Why do I feel like I am being cocky and snobby when I tell people I am a writer? When I even tell people which is rarely. Maybe because a writer is open about they're work? But no, writers aren't, are they? Literature is emotion and emotion has to come from somewhere even if it's 'fiction'. So I show the people my writing and they see all the different parts of me that make me up and I am on a stage being judged and ranked.
A writer is someone who writes. If you write anything you are a writer. It does not matter what it is you write or when you write or how often if you write you are a writer. But that's not just it. Somehow it is much more complicated then that? I would like answers but I know I won't get any.
And poets. Why do people think so lowly of poetry? Why don't the people take it seriously? Some more answers I will never get.
I have to come to terms with the fact that there will always be someone that I hate. Because all of the people that I hate I want to delete permanently from my life, from existence, so that I never see them again or hear them. But I can't do that I do not have the power and I need to learn and teach myself how to get over things and let things go. How much healing will it take? How much time? How much meditation?
I look at a person and tell them to let go, to get over something, to quit holding grudges. Some people hold grudges for less then others and I thought I didn't hold grudges but I do. I do hold grudges. Not for silly petty little things but there are things. Abandonment and teasing and hurt and I have to come to terms with all of it now.
What has happened in my life so bad or so good to turn me out like this?