College isn’t fun. It’s boring and lonely. I miss my friends, the few that I had. I miss home and knowing what to expect in life and having people to rely on. I miss my best friend. I can’t keep doing this, I can’t come back to RIT next fall. I can’t. I hate being so lonely and fucking everything up. I have to hold everything in and keep smiling. I have to keep going.
I want to go to parties. Get drunk and do something stupid. I want to stay up all night goofing off and laughing. I want every day to be exciting. Not just doing homework, and papers and barely getting decent grades and struggling over finances. Isn’t college supposed to be the best years of my life since high school was so shitty? When am I going to have my time in the sun? To feel no cares and just enjoy life because every day is a party.
Like I really wanted to go to Freezefest or be invited to a Superbowl party or out to the movies. I feel like I’m in prison. Always in this damn cubical that gets in everyone’s way.
I just want my life to change, to be different than what it is now. To be significant and worth something, to have a purpose.
It’s sucks just existing, doing nothing, going nowhere. By this point I just want to sleep and never wake up. To dream forever and not have to wake to this reality. At least in my dreams I have everyone and I’m not alone.
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