Timeliness-- A Satire

In my AP English class we have been learning about satire and we were each told to write our own. So I wrote mine on timeliness and laziness. But in case I offend anyone, this is a satire solely for the purpose of entertainment (and for getting a good grade). It is heavily sarcastic and anything I wrote here does not demonastrate my own feelings at all, despite the multiple allusions I made to real life (for example my 14 year old little brother). Please enjoy!

Timeliness
Almost everyday people complain about not having enough time to do anything anymore. They always have to do this or that and never have time for what they really want to do. But it’s true; nowadays no one has time for anything. When people don’t do things it’s not from laziness, it’s from the lack of time to do them.

Several jobs, such as writers, journalists, drafters, lawyers, paralegals, and even farmers, all require deadlines for the workers to meet. If the deadlines are not met then they must suffer the consequences. A very similar situation is demonstrated in school. Students are given all forms of homework, occasionally having to write essays that they are given about a week to complete. If not handed in on time they get a bad grade.

Large projects in work as well as in school all take up much of people’s time and frankly can be straight up boring. Therefore people aren’t given enough time to do what they truly want to do, which is to relax and either read or play video games or watch TV. Not only that, but many people are getting overworked with all these multiple projects and activities that they do. As a result they are getting exhausted and sick. This leads them to give in easier and grow tired of their work and almost forces them to take a break.

Now, mind you, this is not laziness. People are not truly lazy, they are just tired. So if your younger fourteen year old brother plays Black Ops Zombies for eight and a half hours straight instead of doing his homework or chores he is not lazy, he is tired. He does not want to take out the recycle or clean his room or write his English paper anymore because it is boring and he has grown tired and overworked by it. Just keep that in mind for the next time you and your parents scold him.

The issue of time is obviously a problem that affects everyone, myself and my conscientious peers included. So, like Jonathon Swift did in his “A Modest Proposal”, I also propose a simple and easy solution that will make everyone happy. My solution is to take away some, if not most, of people’s many responsibilities.

A bright high school student, for example, is very busy. Not only are they taking all of the best classes that they can get their hands on, but they also have sports, clubs, a job, etc. Now these are many responsibilities that all must come before their social life. By the time they reach their senior year (supposedly the best year of their life) they are exhausted! And now they have to worry about touring colleges and sending out about fifteen applications to keep up with their friends, as well as taking five AP courses (Chemistry, English, Biology, Calculus, and Art to be exact). Not only that, but they are the captain of the boys’ varsity basketball team which practices for about two hours every day (usually from like six to eight), and work at that new Market Basket down the street is brutal! Oh, look they got accepted to nine of their colleges! Time to fill out financial aid forms! And it goes on and on and on and you get the picture.

My point is, however, that most likely before it gets to this point the student will cave mentally and emotionally. They will become exhausted and not do their work as much anymore and push everything off to a later date. No, not lazy, exhausted. How can we cure this pour soul of all these hardships? By getting rid of them of course! Basketball is kind of important so that one should stay. But financial aid isn’t important right? Who needs FAFSA? And AP courses are such a drag, especially the extremely tortuous ones like Calculus; talk about brutal! The students in those classes should just get straight A’s; I mean they do everywhere else.

After our responsibility make over is complete, this student is now much happier and not as overworked as he once was. He now has time for all of his favorite and fun activities as well as relaxing and actually sleeping. But, since now he has less responsibility to worry about, he will be less susceptible to exhaustion and will be able to reach more deadlines. Everyone is happy!

Some people may ask, “But what about those who don’t have responsibility at all, or have responsibility, but choose to ignore it?” Well, then they are already on the right path to success! They are clearly getting enough relaxation and are not exhausted and overworked like most people are. So they don’t need to worry about needing any responsibility make overs.

I promise you that this is all fool proof. The less people working and growing exhausted the better it is for them and society as a whole. Not only will their health improve for getting the proper amount of sleep, but others don’t have to worry about unnecessary accidents occurring that could’ve have been prevented were the person not exhausted and overworked. Car and plane accidents, for example, will no doubt drastically drop in numbers. Everyone benefits from this new method of timeliness.