I'm Melissa.

Hi... I'm not even sure if anyone will ever read this, but I figured that even if no one ever does, it would be good for me to write this all down. If you are reading this, though, I thank you for taking the time out of your day to step into my life, even briefly.

I moved here to Las Vegas in late September of 2012 from Albuquerque, New Mexico, so I've lived here a little over four months. I was born here in Vegas but have no memories of living here, as we left before I was two. I'm fifteen now. I was in a public school here for about three months, which was when I decided that I could no longer take it. I felt more out of place than I did in New Mexico. I learned nothing in those three months and would come home exhausted on a daily basis. I made one or two friends in my time spent there but I soon realized that most everyone there had known one another since Elementary school. I was simply an invader in their loosely woven cliques. I have never had many friends. One, sometimes two at a time. They always leave or get bored and forget about me. I do try my best to make friends but I just can't.

I am forever damned to be alone.

I attend Virtual High School now. It is much better. I complete one lesson a week for each class and have the rest of my time to do whatever I please. This usually consists of watching Youtube videos and playing a variety of video games, and I like to read a lot. Writing is my favorite pass time, though I fear I'm no good.

I'm not very good at expressing my emotions unless through writing, and I think sometimes even then it is lost a midst the poorly construed verses and slow paced rhythm.

I would love to be your friend. I'm a much better conversationalist via technology versus face to face. I'm probably one of the most awkward people you will ever meet. I don't judge, or I try not to. I realize that everyone has a different story, a different life they have led. Everyone (almost everyone) has a reason behind every decision they make, and I am no one to say that they are wrong. If you are hateful for no reason, I probably won't talk to you though. I have no room for anymore hate in my life.

People sometimes question my morals and values and the things I believe in wholeheartedly, and how I can have such strong feeling for things I have never experienced. It was because I was raised well. I believe in equality, for everyone. Yes, I'm talking about gay marriage and gay rights. Am I gay? No. Not even a little bit. However, I believe in the right to love and marry whoever you want, without discrimination. My parents never taught me this or shoved these beliefs on me. They gave me the material and tools to decide for myself. These things include compassion and empathy.
I don't believe in being irresponsible with drugs and alcohol. I don't believe KIDS my age should party and drink and do drugs. Have I ever done any of these things? No, but I have seen what they do to a young person's life. I have seen their effects and I have seen so many kids' lives fall apart because of them. I have been told or have overheard every reason and every excuse in the book as to why it's okay for teenagers to get drunk and high. They are all a bunch of bull shit. You're having family problems? Deal with it. Your boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with you? Get over it. Your family member died? Yes, this one may be more delicate, but you know what? Burying your emotions under a bottle of Jack isn't going to help you mourn and it sure as hell isn't going to teach you coping skills. Grow up. What would that family member say if they saw you hurting yourself in that manor? Exactly. Just as any other youth, I have had my fair share of hardships, but the difference is that I know how to pick myself up off the floor and move on. Drugs and alcohol are a crutch and you can't rely on these things to make your life better.

My mom and dad taught me to be independent and for that, I am grateful. As I said before, I am not trying to judge people who do these things, though the tone may come off as judgmental. I simply don't understand it. To a high degree, if your child is doing these things, it is your fault. You haven't been watching and protecting them as closely as you should have. Maybe you just didn't teach them not to buckle under peer pressure. Maybe you didn't teach them coping skills. Maybe it was a combination of these three things. All I know, is that if parents took responsibility for the things their kids are doing and learned to stop spoiling them, to punish them, and to not let them run the streets as they please, the forthcoming generations would improve.

I suppose now that is enough. I have so much more swirling in my head but I think I have already prolonged this much more than I should have. Perhaps I will write more? Maybe. If you actually read this whole thing, I do appreciate it. Maybe message me or something. Thank you.