Is anybody out there?

Is anybody listening?

I just don't know. I'm so tired of feeling alone. I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of being treated like dirt. I'm tired of everywhere I go people not liking me.

This is the second time I have tried to post this blog. I was going to rant about all of the people in my life treating me like a piece of garbage and how alone I feel but I'm not going to type it all twice. It really just made my mood worse when my internet screwed up and deleted this blog. My life seriously sucks.

I'm not looking for pity. I'm not trying to sound like oh poor me I'm so dramatic I have a terrible life. You don't know me and the things I'm going through. It's not something I can always talk about.

I can't believe my cousin asked me to go to that stupid dance last night and I actually did it. I really treid hard. I was confident and friendly. I smiled at everyone and introduced myself to everyone. But no one at all asked me to dance and I spent the whole night alone stuffing my face.

What else is new? I can't even go to church anymore because I know the people there don't like me. I should be used to it by now. Everywhere I go people don't like me. Everywhere I go people treat me lik a peice of trash, including my own family. When my own family doesn't support me, why whould I think anyone one else would? Maybe it's my own stupidity to want to count on anyone. Maybe I'm stupid for thinking good people win in life. Maybe it's all of the bad people who win.

I'm sad and angry. I'm sad to feel so alone. But I'm angry too because I honestly don't deserve to be treated this way. I don't understand it. I am a good person. Is it because I'm so nice that people feel like they can walk all over me? Does it make them feel better to pick on an a target that won't fight back?

I'm trying really hard to be happy. I deserve to be happy. I have a book being released in April. I recently made it to the second round of Amazon's Breakthrough Novel Award contest and I'm keeping my fingers crossed I make it even farther. So even if people don't believe in me I believe in myself. I'm going to make it and show them all and then they'll be sorry they weren't there for me. Because after all of this time and all of this hate there is going to be a day where I just move away and don't talk to them anymore. The relationships are broken beyond repair.

I wish mibba would have picked me for staff. I applied for the second time to be a blog mod and didn't get picked. I'm so done with this. I've been a member since 2007! You're really going to pick someone else over me? I don't understand why they would turn me down twice now. I really don't. Mibba used to be my home. I had so many friends and I was so happy here. Now this is just another place where I feel alone. The only reason I'm even going to be coming on here anymore is my readers. The few that I actually have mean the world to me and my writing is my life so I can't completely leave here. I hate forcing myself to go to places where I know no one likes me. I shouldn't have to. I've done it so many times in my life. I hate it all.

Anyway, if you actually made it to the bottom of this blog, whether you read the whole thing or not, I would so super appreciate it if you read this one-shot of mine. I put so much emotion in it and it's really killing me to know no one is reading it. No one has left any feedback at all. It would mean the world to me if you left a small comment on it. Thank you. Here it is.
February 18th, 2013 at 02:19am