Bad Things Happened to Me and it's Because I'm a Bad Person in General

That title is like a Fall Out Boy song, and this is an extremely long blog post. If you manage to read it all the way through, you get super special sparkles and all of my like. I would love some feedback and/or advice. I promise, it's actually quite interesting. Anyway, yeah, I fucked up at some point in the past two days because I can't say no to anyone. Like, if a person comes up to me and says "Hey there, would you like to make out with me, maybe fuck in a closet somewhere?" I know I would not say no, even if I had no idea who this person was. Well, I met this guy at a concert. He was in my friend's band and they were playing at a little bar nearby, so I went to see them. He plays the guitar and bass, switching off instruments with my friend. So they played their set and came off the stage, and the guy immediately starts hitting on me. Not even room for a "Hello, I'm David, nice to meet you.", just straight into "I couldn't help but notice that you are very beautiful. Did you like our set?". Yes, I know, that's not the nicest thing, but he was kind of cute and in a band. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm a sucker for a pretty-faced musician. So anyway, my friend, Brandon, wanted to have an after party at his house. I was invited, along with some other friends who showed up to watch them play. So the concert ends and the party begins, and David (the guitarist/bassist) and I flirt non-stop. He asks for my number, I give it to him, and then suddenly we're holding hands. Everyone else leaves the room at this point, and now it's just the two of us.

"Hey, Jill, I know we've only known each other for a couple of hours, but do you maybe want to be my girlfriend?"

And then, like an idiot, I say yes. Suddenly, we hug. Suddenly, we kiss. Suddenly, we make out. We announce it to everyone, and almost immediately have plans for a double date with Brandon and his girlfriend. It went fast, I know, but I've never actually had a real, not-long-distance relationship before. I was really excited. So, I was happy by the end of the night. We hugged one last time, him whispering three terrifying words in my ear, "I love you", and I left.

Later that night, I was chatting with anther friend, Tiffany, online. I happened to mention that I was now in a relationship with a boy, and she stopped replying. Ten minutes later, she calls me on Skype. I'm now in a conversation with her, her boyfriend Tyler, and another friend named Corey. Tyler and Tiffany tell me that dating a guy I met 5 hours ago is not a good idea, and I agree with them. It probably wasn't the best idea, but it was my idea and I figured I'd at least give it a try. Then, Tyler tells me there's another boy I've been apparently leading on for a while, which I was pretty much oblivious to. Lo and behold, Corey speaks up. It was him. He was planning on asking me out the next day, when we were going to hang out. I mean, I like Corey, but not like that. Tyler pressures me to end my new relationship, and after over an hour of arguing, I give in. Corey asks me out, I say yes, everyone is happy. Well, everyone but me. I'm more confused than anything. Confused, scared, hurt, weirded out, I felt like I wanted to scream. I'd been crying for quite some time now, and my mouth had ceased forming words. I had to type everything because my voice just didn't work anymore. I legitimately went into shock. After a while, Tyler speaks up again.

"Jill, there's something Corey has been meaning to tell you for a while."

"What is it?" I type.

It takes a while for him to get it out, but eventually it happens. Corey tells me he loves me. I can't say it back. I know it took courage. I know it should've been like a movie. The knight in shining armor comes and whisks the princess away from the big evil dragon, they fall in love, happily ever after. That's not how it happened. In a separate chat, it was just Tyler and I talking. He was coaxing the words out of me, and it took him the better part of two hours to get me to say it back. I kept telling him I didn't actually think I was capable of loving another human (Side note: I really don't think I'm capable of it. I don't love anyone at the moment, not even family members. I never really have, I don't think I ever will. There is a growing suspicion among my family, friends, and I that I'm actually a sociopath.), but he didn't take no for an answer. Finally, at 2 o' clock in the morning, I said it so he'd let me go to bed. I regret everything that happened. I consulted Brandon on it today, since was in a similar situation late last year (Side note: Not really relevant to this portion of the story, but there's also two other boys who have told me they loved me since October of last year. Actually, I guess it is kind of relevant.), but he couldn't offer any good advice on what to do, just on what not to do. It didn't turn out well for him. I also hung out with Corey today, who is almost as confused as me about this whole thing. We played video games for a few hours, and I demolished him in Street Fighter with the help of my favorite character, Dudley. It was awkward. I'm hanging out with David tomorrow, which will also be awkward. I just-- I hate this whole situation. It all had to happen because I couldn't say no.