Bad day

Honestly today was a bad day. My baby girl decided that she wanted to go back to the beginning and just be friends. This would be fine if my heart did not love her so much. I do not know if we can go back. In this I guess I am looking at a pessimistic view point. How can someone I gave my everything to want to go back because it's not enough? I understand you should be friends and get to know the person, but at the same time there comes a point when you are getting to know somebody as you go forward. When I agreed I had never seen someone so relived at the fact that I was willing to just be friends. She began to smile, laugh, and joke more than ever. When I chose not to hold her hand she began to become sad and upset, but at the same time I'm upset that I won't get to hold you, kiss you, or rub your back. I stayed up sleepless nights rubbing your back because you could not sleep. When I held you because you were so upset. When I helped to write your paper that night. All I want is to be your girlfriend, but at the same time you do not. Wanting to wait till you have time to dedicate. All I want to do is cry.....A lot.