what even is my life this is a serious question

okay I should probably apologize for not coming on here for like half a million weeks but, as always, I doubt anyone cares all that much hmm

it's just

I'm kind of having a midlife crisis at fourteen here okay bear with me

which has basically been spurred on by a few select reasons

one, I have no friends

well, maybe I'm lying, I think I might have like one and a half friends but I get the feeling none of them like me very much

two, I am doing absolutely nothing with my life

seriously

I don't study and I haven't gone out since December or something although I get the feeling that might be because, as stated above, I have no friends and I literally get home and sit on the internet all afternoon and I guess that might be passable if I had people that qualified as internet friends but I never actually talk to anyone because nobody likes me and seriously this is all getting out of hand

three, I am expected to decide the course of my entire fucking future during the next few months and I'm fourteen years old I did not sign up for this

(no comment here. school is stressful.)

and I just don't know anymore okay I'm mediocre and dumb and ugly and bad at everything and I don't even know whether something is expected of me anymore and I have a very important test tomorrow and why am I not revising and I really really feel like crying right now

and instead of doing something about all this i am sitting here basically procrastinating my life away and wallowing in stupidly pathetic self-pity

this has been a rant and I'm sorry if it damaged your brain too much

do they actually take blogs down for having no punctuation or is that an urban myth

should I shut up now

oh and also I think I should maybe mention that I have an entire pile of half-finished oneshots I'll get around to finishing and uploading soon but it doesn't seem particularly relevant

yes

I will shut up now