Am I really that horrible?

Seriously, am I?

I have basically lost important people in the most ridiculous ways. It always ends with them doing something wrong, but somehow it's my fault. Somehow I always turn out to be the horrible, selfish bitch. And I don't get it.

I am not a bitch. I now I am not. I know I don't purposely hurt anyone, and if I am in the wrong, I'm always willing to say sorry.

Ha, sorry.

When's the last time I have ever heard a serious sorry... I'm not even sure.

I think I know one reason why this may happen. I fucking forgive everyone too easily and immediately. Oh, you called me a name. No biggie. Oh? You're gonna insult me when I'm sitting RIGHT THERE? No big deal, don't worry. In fact, I won't even say anything. Just pretend nothings wrong. Who cares. right? We're still friends. We can still have fun, I'll just, shove it under rug for you. No really. I can handle it.

But truth is, after awhile I just fucking can't deal with it. Then I snap. Then I am just done, then the person always gets mad at me. I'm in the wrong cause for once, I didn't just forgive you or came back all 'oh I don't even know what you're talking bout haha.' I found some respect for myself. Some little sliver of respect.

I already have enough issues on my own, why do people want to make them worse? Why can't they calm this shit and remember who I really am? Not this made up bullshit they're seeing through the red of their own frustrated anger.

So those of you who have made me officially just fucking done with people. Here's each of my little last say. Not that you'll ever hear it, considering this is on a blog thing, I don't even talk to some of you, or know you, and I just can't seem to actually yell at anyone. CAUSE IM TOO FUCKING NICE. Know what? I'm not eve nice. I'm just a pathetic loser, right? Anyway, here we go.

1. Hey girls, yes I realize I could be 'cool' but I do happen to also like being friend with that 'loser' over there. So, go fuck yourselves.

2. I can have other friend you know. You can ever hang out with us. You can't just hog me to yourself. Calm down will you?

3. Known you for years. 13 to be exact. And you've been dating this guy for...a year. He has changed your view on drugs, got you into them, doesn't like you to be with your friends and blames every fight ever one you. Yep. Choose him over me. Stop talking to me first and when I returned the favor, get pissed and say I'm talking shit behind your back. You don't have any idea what kind of shit I have been going through, yet here you are, saying you're worse off. Bitch, you dug your own grave. Lay in it alone.

4. I am not taking your bullshit anymore. When I'm upset, when I personally just hate myself. Rather it be my personality or my body, comparing me to you isn't going to make me feel better. And calling me a petty bitch won't either. As if I didn't feel bad enough looking in the mirror and not liking the person I see, now I feel like more shit cause my supposedly 'best friend' just basically told me my problems are nothing. That I'm a petty, selfish bitch. You don't even know the anxiety I have been having throughout the week haven't talked sine. But no, don't worry. Keep tweeting passive aggressive shit about me. Cause I will so be acting like its no big deal again. Like always. Actually no. Not this time. Until I hear a God dammed sorry, and you choose to either change your ways or stop pretending you wanna hear my problems, you can forget it.

So there, this is just few of my final words. Just some angry mumbling from a clearly horrible, petty, bitch of a loser.
March 2nd, 2013 at 05:51pm