Common Misconceptions about D/S Writing and lifestyle.

This is something that has been bothering me for a while now. I understand that ever since Fifty Shades of Gray and other books smut has become rougher and more into the “BDSM” world. Now, I’ve noticed many of the smut one-shots I read have a lot of derogatory terms. “Slut”, “whore” “bitch” and so on. Now, I’ve used those words before in smut, but it’s not every other word. When the relationship is supposed to be “D/S”, it makes me wonder if the person has taken the time to research what D/s really is and I doubt it because most of the stuff is not only inaccurate, but it makes me feel uncomfortable while reading, so I stop and move on.

I’m not an expert, but I do take d/s seriously because it is something I want to try out in real life. So I’ve read books, I’ve been on some blogs, and I’ve done my homework. It’s not everyone because I have read some stuff that is way better than mine. I know people can get better because if you looked at my past smut it was horrid. I used to say “I don’t write porn” and now basically I do, but I do it better than before. It’s all about being informed and I will say most of what I have read makes me think a lot of people are not well informed on the lifestyle that is D/S.

I really don’t like how D/S is being portrayed here most of the time. It is a truly beautiful thing. Yes, it’s not for everyone, but to each its own.

My friend Kayla (vacant eyes.) has something to say so I’ll add what she sent me when we discussed this.

“Well...To me it's about letting down every inhibition you have. People build walls up in life; it's just natural because all of us go through different things that hurt us, and we want to protect ourselves from having that pain hit us again. D/S is about finding someone you trust so much that you're not afraid to let those walls down. To me, it's about opening up your heart to such an extent that they see everything you are; that they know everything, and you trust them with that information that makes you feel most vulnerable. It's about knowing the person you've chosen to submit to won't exploit your weakness, but turn it into strength. It's about them making sure to never do anything that will make you feel violated or hurt. It's about trust; about feeling a bond that can't be severed. For me, D/S isn't about name-calling, because logically if you love someone, you're not going to feel comfortable calling them a slut or a whore, or choking them or hitting them or anything violent like that. D/S is more about just how far love can really go...It's about love. It's about trust. If you really open yourself up to someone like that, and you're willing to submit and know that they'll see it more as a strength than a weakness...That's what it's about.”
There is a difference between D/S and BDSM. Not everyone wants to be slapped or be called names and if you want to write about it, good for you, but do it so it’s not choppy. I have shaken my head so many times because of what I’ve read.

Once again, I know I’m not a Best Time Seller author, but I’ve been in this lifestyle long enough to know that many need to be more informed. Don’t depend on EL James to enlighten you on the world of D/S relationships. I will give you real authors to look up.

First off, Maya Banks and her Sweet series; I truly recommend her because she was my first taste of D/s relationships. It starts with Sweet Surrender and then it goes on from there. You will fall in love with the male characters. I have.

Second, Shayla Black, I found her through Maya Banks because they wrote a book together called Four Play. Shayla has the Wicked Lovers series. It is through her that I knew D/s is exactly what I want. Her scenes are wonderful. I’ve never been disappointed by her. She has other series as well just as incredible.

Lora Leigh was the second author I knew to write “rougher” smut scenes. I can’t quite remember the name of her series that I’ve read but Wicked Pleasure and Only Pleasure are my favorites. Oh, and Forbidden Pleasure. Those are for those of you who are into ménages.

Just read! Honestly, that’s all it takes. Take a moment to find out what makes D/s so attractable to people. I think it’s because the thought of finding someone who can read your mind, cherish you, and protect you is something we all crave. We want that spark every time he walks into the room and that a single look can make us shake from head to toe. Or maybe you just like to write it, but still, don’t over use the cursing and calling names.

Now go forth and read. Let me know if you find other stuff that has bothered you about this subject. Or something you think people need to improve of.
March 10th, 2013 at 09:58pm