"Heartbreaks" suck. + I miss you guys!

For the past few weeks, I’ve been crushing on this guy. Like, legit crushing. Let me tell you how it started.

A few months ago, M told me her best friend, B, thought I was pretty. So I decided to say hi to him and he kinda maybe walked away from me.

I told M, she asked him, and he apparently told her “I was nervous and I didn’t know what to say.”

OH MY GOD

So ever since then, I started liking him but I never talked to him cause I’d always chicken out or something would come up. I stopped liking him in January-ish when my best guy friend came in and told me he liked me.

Then I think a week after Valentines Day, B smiled at me and my heart just crashed. Like, seriously. He was gone for a month because I legit forgot about him. But he smiled at me ONCE and I saw his dimple, I was gone for.

Since then, I’ve been creepily staring at him or trying to strike up a conversation, like I did when I liked him the first time. Friday, I sat at the lunch table next to him and this kid kept talking about how so many guys like me, when this other guy just mentioned me in a conversation. So B heard everything. And to top it off, my best guy friend who no longer likes me was carrying my bag a few days ago when B saw him.

B looked really annoyed and when I asked M why, she said he was annoyed at how close I am to my best guy FRIEND. So according to my best friend, he thinks B probably thinks of me as a slut.

Then everyone was like “oh he likes you.” Yeah fucking right.

B is really shy but I’m tired of waiting for him to come around.

So after all that, on Friday I decided to give up on B. I REALLY like him but whats the point in trying to talk to him when I know it won’t make him like me back?

I dont have enough self confidence and I don’t want to mess it up with him, like I messed up so many other times.

I obviously missed a lot of things and I’m too tired to go over every single little detail.

I just realized, I had my heart broken by a guy I’ve never been in a relationship with. I’m really stupid sometimes, aren’t I? But this is how we learn. Even though it hurts and I want to cry every time someone mentions him, I won’t break down.

My self esteem has been shattered but I’m not gonna blow up over that. On Monday I’m sure I’ll want die everytime I see him, but that’s okay, I’ll deal with it.

Enough about me, what about you guys?

It’s been weeks since I’ve been on and I terribly miss all of you. I was so close to many people on here and now it’s like I can’t even remember half the people.

You guys were my family, and you still are, even though a lot of you don’t know who the fudge I am :’D
March 17th, 2013 at 03:16am