So Many Ideas, So Little Motivation...

I adore writing; the plotline that keeps you awake at night, the need to write more and more, the feeling that people may fall in love with your story and characters. It's all so addictive.

But, as every writer faces, writer's block sets in. And it feels as if the end is nigh.

So then all these ideas build up, filling your head with multiple scenarios that are screaming to be noticed by someone other than yourself. You write them down, plan out how you would construct your story chapter by chapter, creating character profiles and backstories. Everything is making sense and your getting more excited as the ideas flood out of your fingertips. You're finally getting somewhere in your writing and the planning process is nearly done. You're getting ready to start the first chapter, imagining how you would start off and the descriptions you would include.

You start to write. You start to get the story you've thought of for so long out of your system. You are finally getting somewhere; you are feeling as if the writer's block is finally lifting.

And then nothing. Nothing.

It almost hurts how much you can't get the words out on paper. Because the little amount you have written is nothing like you imagined it would be. The plan you've taken so much time on is better than anything you've tried to write. And you're back to feeling helpless.

I have suffered from depression for about 3 years, and writing was always my outlet; it was something I could lose myself in, design my characters to deal with the problems I was facing and escape from everything I was feeling. But for the past year, I haven't been able to do the thing I love so much. The ideas are always there and I write so many plans, though when it comes to producing the story, I just can't do it.

I miss the days where I could write a chapter a day and feel happy with the outcome. Now, I just get more and more frustrated as these ideas I want to commit to, ideas that I think would make a wonderful and exciting story, become nothing but a dream.