"Baby I'll shank you there, shank you there."

I'm just so done with myself guys. Like I can't talk and when I try, I either mess up the words I'm trying to say or stutter. That's how long it's been since I f-cking spoke to someone. I can't even form words correctly. I need to socialize more. Like seriously, who can't speak? I can't. It's just... It's ridiculous how sad this is. I need to learn how to speak again and that terrifies me.

How do you mess up song lyrics and make them threatening? Like I don't even know what's going on in my life anymore. I feel like I should just give up based on me messing up those song lyrics. That's just too much for me. Really, I feel like this is the breaking point and I should just stop talking all together because when I talk, I'm not intelligent. I sound like a confused five year old who needs their mother to help explain what they're trying to say and I do. I can't talk to strangers, I can barely speak to my friends without sounding stupid. It's just.. ugh.

I really feel frustrated when I can't talk. It's like I'm just sitting there thinking, you know what you're trying to say so get it out. Use your words, just use them. Nothing ever comes out right. I can't talk, I can't sing because even then I'll f-uck up. Yes, messing up the those lyrics upset me but that's after a long day of messing up.

Chub of Tocolate.
Do I go light instead of reft?
Where's the restaurant (instead of restroom while at a restaurant)?
Can I please, please, please, please, please -fuck it never mind.


Just some of what I've messed up today. Like I don't know anyone else in the world who develops a stutter in their late teens. Like where did you come from? I don't know why I say whole words fifty million times but it's irritating and I just don't know how to fix myself and I just never want to speak again. -_-
March 19th, 2013 at 04:40am