"Perks" & Hiatus

So, I just finished Perks of Being a Wallflower. I read it all day yesterday and pulled off being sick to be able to stay home and watch it, because I knew I would be a complete mess by the time it ended. My mom wasn't happy, but it was completely worth it.

Yes, I was in tears throughout the entire second half of the movie. They were slow, steady, silent tears, though. But there were times in the book where I would literally burst out crying and just bawl my eyes out for minutes just because of how extremely beautiful it is and how much I can relate.

Now that I've finished it, I have a completely different perspective of everyone around me and life itself. It's hard to explain, really. But it taught me a lot of things. You realize you love someone when you just want them to be happy (although I guess I learned that on my own on Sunday). "You can't choose where you've come from, but you can choose where you go from there." (One of my favorite quotes from it.) You can't always put everyone else's life before your own, and you have to distinguish yourself as an individual.

Just, all in all, the book is beautiful, and the movie is so touching. It's really inspired me to do the same as Charlie and get better, and move on, and start living for myself.

That being said, I will be going on a hiatus from Mibba. Although writing and reading help me escape from reality and get lost for a bit, I don't think that's what I need right now. I think I need to learn to be okay with reality, and "participate" in life, as Charlie put it. My life's already turning around and getting better, and I need to learn how to be happy while it's all the way it is now, because it won't be hard at the moment at all. It'll just take time.

I have a wonderful boyfriend who I've loved for months on end. We broke up before, and we were seeing other people for awhile. But the feelings I had for him made it so hard for me to put any real effort into my relationships. Now Ayden's around again, and in my life, and I wouldn't trade him for anything or anyone else. He is beautiful, inside and out, and he helps me accept myself more than anyone else ever has. He loves every part of me, even the scary parts that I don't understand myself. He's really going to help me get through this nostalgia of the past.

And my friends...God, they're amazing. I couldn't even explain them. They just...get it. They get me. They know that I like to be on my own sometimes, but they also know when I need someone more than ever, and they're always there for those times.

My family is also so supportive (with the slight exception of my mother). They're going to help me get help. They know I need it, and they're just proud that I've finally been able to accept it for myself.

With these three things, I know I'll be completely happy within a matter of weeks. I just have to find the one place, the one moment where I feel "infinite".

And to brighten your day, a word from Ayden Hillier: "Blow my blue neon vibrating penis." (Can you see why I love this boy?)