'I've been afraid of changing cause I've built my life around you'

29/3/2013

I've forgotten what it feels like to enjoy something. I hate everyone around me. Smiling makes me feel unwell and crying makes me tired and speaking drains all my energy. My head feels every day like it might explode.

People are disgusting. I have watched the people around me fight for a moment in the limelight, elbow and push and snap at each others ankles to show just who is the most 'mentally unstable.' This vile and hypocritial jossle for attention has left me standing on the outside again, waiting until someone notices that with every day that passes I am losing more and more of myself. I don't recognise or acknowledge myself at all anymore, time is passing by faster and faster and I am doing nothing to stop it, hurtling towards oblivion faster than ever.

I don't want to see anyone. The sound of people's voices grates so awfully on my brain. I am sick of people telling me how they feel, feeding me unwanted information and answering questions I haven't bothered to ask. I don't care how anyone feels. I want to be selfish and alone and I want everyone else to feel like they have no one in this whole damn world too. I am full of a warm, sickening anger which comes out only when directed at myself. My cheeks ache constantly.