'It's my problem if I have no friends and feel I want to die'

30/3/2013

I have accepted being lonely as the way I will be for the rest of my life. I haven't smiled and meant it in at least 3 months now. When I am not lying in bed I am thinking about lying in bed. I don't even miss the indent you would make as you lay next to me or the smell of you on my pillow or your breath on the back of my neck. Sometimes I drive past your brothers house and I think of the Christmas I spent there and how horribly, horribly happy I felt. I am dragging myself through each day by my ragged fingernails. My lungs are filled with the dirt I have inhaled every time I have been pushed to the ground. I can hear it rattling inside of me when I sleep at night.