Give Me Therapy.

I really need help, my brain is not working properly, it has decided to shut down and make me only feel sad all the fucking time. It's not safe for my mind to be in this kind of situation, in this position because when I'm sad I tend to do stupid things an I'm sure we all know where it's leading to. Hell, I bought new bracelets just to be prepared. I am seriously done with all of this;
School is a bitch, all I have done so far is forget assignments and dream of killing my classmates. It's a constant thought, sitting in the back of my mind, just playing; different ways I could murder every single one of them. I don't even feel regret anymore. I can just imagine their screams, the pleas and it excited me even more.
Friends are perfect but I can't do this anymore;
Sheridan has left because she has a little baba on the way, I think it's absolutely adorable and I wish her all the best but I miss her.
Keseva; she has been by my side since 2008, friends since year seven and probably forever and I never want to lose her. She is funny and kind and perfect but she is never around and that makes me sad. I miss her more than words when she is not there.
Emily; she is my spirit animal, we're pretty much the same person in opposite bodies. She is an amazing person though she doesn't believe this.
Sarah; this lovely girl is the definition of "perfect" or "angelic". She is God's child and is just too beautiful to put into words. Every time I see her I cannot help but scream "I love you Sarah Miranda" and I mean it, she is just fucking brilliant.
Anastasia; (Heya) I love Heya, don't get me wrong, I fucking love her. She has the I.Q of pretty much every smart person ever and is filled with so much useless information that makes me smile until my cheeks hurt.
Maddi; this nigga is my best friend. She is truly my other half and without her I wouldn't be breathing.
Though I love all my friends, I have dreamed of hurting every single one of them. I haven't told them this though. It only started with Heya but now I'm thinking about hurting all of them. I feel like I should separate myself from them, they are already considered 'outcasts' and with me, a half mental patient lingering on them like a disgusting growth will only make their situation worse.
Family:
No. Just no. I don't even want to begin with them. It's not even my whole family, it's just my mum and two other sisters. The rest is fine. I just...I can't even deal with them sometimes. They are one of the main reasons I want to neck myself.
I am so over everything.
I really just want to kill myself, do you get that? I think about suicide way too often, before it use to be a monthly thing and now it's in my mind every single fucking day. Not a day goes past when I don't think about either killing myself or other people around me. I just don't want to be here or I just hate people. Maybe it's both.
No. I don't hate people. I hate myself. It's a habit I have; comparing myself to others and that makes me hate them because everyone is better than me in every way possible.
I'm done.
I'm done.
I really am over this school. These friends. This life. This insanity.
I was ready to cut again after 30?days of being clean after breaking my 8 month spree before that. I didn't have any razors though. A blessing in disguise. I guess.
Anyway, I don't know how to end this because honesty this is just word vomit that nobody is going to about. So if you got through this without spitting on me, I thank you. Even if you got through this and did spit on me, I applaud you more because I deserve it.
Anyway, I'm going to kill myself slowly by drinking energy drinks, my 21st one so far over the past two days and the packet of pain killers of 100 I have been popping to get rid of the sick feeling I have running through my whole body.
If I wake up dead, don't cry for me.