So, Maddi made one of these and I thought it was absolutely brilliant so, naturally, I'm copying her. Everyone around here has been really down in the dumps and, like Maddi, I want to do all that I can to cheer them up. Spring has arrived and there are so many good things coming, so many reasons to smile and one of those being how much I adore everyone on this site. So, without further ado, I'd like to confess some of my humiliating secrets.
§ So, when I was in third grade, I had a boyfriend. A boyfriend in third grade typically means we ate lunch together and played at recess together. This boys nickname was Frisky ... totally not kidding but it also wasn't for the reason our perverse minds think of today. I honestly don't know how he got it, but that's besides the point (it's also funny that I cannot remember his real name). Anyways, Frisky broke up with me by having lunch with my friend Samantha and then at recess (which stupidly followed lunch - eating THEN running around? dumb) he was all like, yeah I like her now. So, how did third grade me react? I grabbed his arm and threw him down into the gravel near the baseball field. Cut his leg open bad enough he needed stitches. Oops.
§ Seventh grade me liked to play sports. Actually, I played sports until I got to high school then I became the biggest nerd ever, but I digress. I especially liked to play a basketball game called Fire & Ice (it goes by many other names) during our little intramural period, again, after lunch. Fire & Ice is when one person shoots at the free throw line and has to make it in before the person behind them. Well, I used to wear plastic clips in my hair and as I was retrieving my ball, the other one came right down on the back of my head and shattered the clip. Also, imbedding some of it in my head which is still there today ... Yep. I have a shard of plastic in the back of my head. I like to creep people out and make them touch it.
§ The first time I was ever drunk (I blacked out - I went 110%) was because my boyfriend at the time showed up with another girl - a super trashy one no less. So, I drank everything. All sorts of alcohol. Which, if you know anything about drinking, you know what a terrible idea that is haha. So, I got really wasted and I didn't remember much when I woke up but I did remember calling the only boy I ever loved (that's a heck of a long story that I've touched on in other blogs) and ranting/crying about how I wasn't good enough. To this day, I don't know all the things I said. But, the funny part is that while intoxicated, I ran through the woods, fell off a porch, jumped in a pool fully clothed, gave my friend a lap dance, and ran straight into a glass door. Classy.
§ Oh, and other times I've been slightly drunk - I rubbed my face on a window in a club, put two straws in my mouth and howled like a wolf puppy creating a new animal called a 'wolfrus', sliced my finger open on a pool table (takes talent), and nearly fell of a cliff. A short cliff, but a cliff no less. Safe to say I try not to get drunk anymore.
§ I used to have my septum pierced. I got it when I was like 22, but still tried to hide it from my parents. I am the absolute worst liar in the entire world so my mom found out within twenty minutes of me being home. My dad ... well, that's a funnier story. So I work with my dad and we get lunch together most days. Well, I had to go to the bathroom to blow my nose (for obvious reasons) and forgot to push it up when I returned to the table. Busted.
§ I've broken my arm once, and maybe that isn't funny until you hear the full story. I was in fifth grade and, ever since I was little I have really enjoyed professional wrestling. It's silly and there are some totally cute dudes on there wearing next to nothing so it's a good time. Well, I also have an older brother who was in eighth grade at the time and he's like way bigger than I am. Like way bigger. So, naturally, after watching hours of wrestling my brother and I would reenact the moves on each other. And, like I said, my brother is way bigger than I am. So, he clothes-lined me (ran at me with his arm out to hit me in the chest). I was supposed to land on our floor pillows and my arm did ... my brother on top of it. During a blizzard we had to drive to the ER because my arm was in the shape of a 'u'. Wasn't funny then but I think it's hilarious now. And I still watch professional wrestling.
§ I used to dance around my bedroom and sing Spice Girls songs. I would dress up in my baby doll dresses, put my hair in high pigtails, and I even owned really thick-soled white Sketchers so I could pretend to be Baby Spice ... I would make up dances and only sing her parts. I still know her lines better than the other girls'.
§ I used to have a 98 degrees poster in my bedroom. Y'all might be too young to know who that is ... but the brothers Drew and Nick Lachey are from Cincinnati (like thirty minutes from me).
§ I used to write 'Erin Hanson' on all my binders. I was fully convinced I'd marry Taylor. I still love him. Hanson - my favorite 'boy band' ever. But, they're not a boy band. And they still make awesome music. And I still own their first CD and know every word to "MMMBop".
§ So I was talking to this gorgeous guy at work once (this was a few years ago when I worked at a different PacSun than the one I work at now) and I was being all flirty which I'm awkward at but whatever. I went to walk away and I was all like, he's totally going to check out my butt. My butt isn't great ... it's all right. I got boobs instead, but that's besides the point. So I turn around to walk away and I ran straight into a male mannequin. Not the kind of action I was looking for.
I'm sure I have more ... I'm clumsy and awkward in most situations. Maybe I'll post more or do a video or something. I mean, I should be updating things and I hope I get to that, but while my creativity has been zapped (due to the sadness spreading through Mibba like wild fire, I reckon) I thought I could share some of my life with y'all. I mean, I love learning about people so I naturally think people care about my life hahaha. Whatever. Maybe I'll start having story time or something on here to share little snippets of my life.
Anyways, I hope this brought a smile or a chuckle to you. Especially to you, Katie. Dearest Katie, as I am now calling you. I love everyone and I want y'all to be happy and healthy. Chins up, little doves!
xoxo, Erin
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