This is as inspirational as a Geordie can get.

I've been packing up my bedroom because I'm moving house and I found this old note book with an entry in it called 'Feelings' that I wrote just before my September suicide attempt that got me thrown in a mental hospital for a few months.

The whole thing was pretty difficult to read because my hand writing's messy and I'm pretty sure I must have been crying at the time because the page is wavy, not that I can remember writing the thing.

To be honest, I had completely forgotten about that part of my life. That might have had something to do with the extreme amount of antidepressants, sleeping pills and pain medication I swallowed soon after.

It's really weird looking back. I was so erratic and scared. It was like I was desperately trying to find something, anything to cling onto that might give me a reason to live. If you're wondering, I didn't find anything, hence the suicide attempt.

I've never really accepted that I needed the help I got in hospital, but now I think I did. I'm so much calmer now. Obviously I still struggle horrifically with the Depression and Mania, especially the Mania, but apart from that, within myself, I feel a lot better. I can still recognize that I have problems, and I understand that the Bipolar will never go away, but I can't help but feel strangely optimistic about my life, even though I'm highly depressed right now.

The thing is, everyone has problems. Depression, eating disorders, family issues, self harm. Those things suck, and we really struggle to get by. Most of the time we don't see any way forward, and suicide is a very real, very easy option. It could all end right there. Very easily, very quickly.

It doesn't though. That's not the end of the story. We keep fighting, everyday, one after the other. We beat our illnesses, or if you have a more permanent one like mine, you learn to live with it.

Look at the people who are celebrated today. They could have given up, but they didn't, and that's what makes them so great, that's what's gotten them so far. The people who give up, they're missed by all, if not most, and are remembered for a while, but eventually they fade. The people who fight their demons, who survive and continue to battle for the rest of their lives in everything that they do, despite their problems.. they're the ones who are remembered forever.

Kurt Cobain does not count.

This was shit.

Goodbye.