Crumbling

You know, its been to long, and I never really used this damned profile to write anything, but honestly, the internet is my only friend now, so guess you get to deal with it >_> last night I lost my best friend, but luckily not to death. I was tossed aside in a sort of “for the good of the colony” kind of way. This friend meant everything to me, had been with me through thick and thin you know? Think of your best friend in the whole world, and now think if they just walked up to you and took you out of their life, unfreinded you, didn’t answer your calls, the entire deal. It was horrible. It’s tragic really, so much so that I considered taking my life, and was halfway there when it hit me. I was this girl’s best friend. I was always there for her, always the shoulder to cry on, no matter what. I still feel attached to her, and I still feel the need to be there for her. But a couple of bad choices later, it hit me, I shouldn’t kill myself, I mean, what if my friend needs me again. I’m not normally cocky but I know for a fact I was her best friend, I’m the guy she would text if she wasn’t feeling good at 3 in the morning, I’m the guy that would get the first call when something bad happened, and you know what, I cant for a second think that I can be replaced so easily. Call me a masochist or call me a fool, it doesn’t matter, but I’m your friend till the end, and not the end you make, but the end death does. This has happened to me once before, with a different girl in my life. We never talk anymore (by her choice) but she knows that no matter what, no matter how horribly I have felt over the years about her, she can come to me about anything, and I will do my best to help. It still hurts you know? Not many people put all their eggs in one basket anymore, the world is to corrupt and un-loyal to allow that, but for the second time in my life, iv been axed from my best friends life. It really makes you cynical about the whole thing you know? People don’t just walk out cleanly; they take a piece of you with them. It’s always the piece that allows you to trust people, and until someone else can fill this void, I think I will remain hollow. There are just some things that you can’t just replace. Its like giving someone CPR for a foot wound, its simple just not what they need, and no matter how much you blow into their face all the things they hope will make you trust them, hope will make you feel happy with them and love them, its just simply not the right treatment. It’s just not the salt to my pepper you know. I have a feeling I may write more on this, because typing it out has made me feel a bit better, but I have massive amounts of ground to cover before I can say I’m ok.

Im sorry if there are a bunch of grammatical errors or whatever, because I cant let myself reread it, its me throwing up in text, so I don’t want to go back and admire it you know. Id appreciate comments of some sort, maybe feedback. Just do what you guys do I guess