Better...but maybe not.

I keep thinking I'm getting better. Feeling better. But then I break down and sob.

Then I guess it hit me that I'm not getting better. Sometimes I "forget" to eat. If my parents aren't home for dinner, then I won't eat. This is weird because I used to eat all the time. Now I'm obsessed with weighing myself and eating less food. It's hard for me to do, but I can't stop. Sometimes I try to force myself to eat. But then I just feel nauseous. Everyone tells me I'm too thin but I still see weight that I can lose. I know it's bad. It's unhealthy. I know.

I have the urge to cut myself. So far I've done nothing, though.

I need to talk to someone.

But who am I supposed to tell without them changing how they think of me completely.

My mom has enough problems of her own. She used to be clinically depressed. That was when the bank took our house. Now we're in a new house and everything was okay. My mom thinks she has insomnia. She said she hasn't really slept since we moved here last summer.

I can't tell her.

I don't want my best friend to think differently of me. I don't want to burden her. Everyone goes to her with their problems.

I just can't.

My sister and I aren't as close as we used to be. If I told her, I could picture her saying something like, "Oh stop it, you're always thinking something is wrong with you." It's true though. I have super bad migraines. I have joint/bone issues. I have breathing issues. I'm a mess.