If there's one thing I can depend on, it's that I will always be borderline in love with maesaysdance.

You think you'll outgrow someone someday, and you turn out to love their stuff five years later. Joyce, you're my hero.

I have a story I've been nursing for about two years, and it's transformed into this strange, uncertain creature that has one end but no modes of getting there.

I seriously need to get something out on mibba. The last thing I posted was a one-shot, and that was a godawful while ago.

I broke up with my boyfriend Saturday night. He dropped the L-bomb, and I think he meant it. I can never tell with nice guys. He said his chest hurt and I couldn't even muster up any feelings.

I'm starting to think that I'm not attracted to anyone. I mean, boys are attractive. Fuck, boys are attractive. But I'm not attracted to anyone. Not boys or even girls. I'm just sort of vicariously taking in everyone's love and I just want to stuff it all on paper.

I was basically achingly in love with this senior last year for whom I ran up four flights of stairs every morning to hear him sing Bright Eyes covers with his guitarist. The first time I ever saw him, he was playing in the dingy hole-in-the-wall bar somewhere downtown by the salvation army. Some woman was excitedly telling us about how her son was about to perform, and I sort of humored her, but shit, he hadn't gotten out five words and my heart had already dove for my stomach. I remember because I actually felt it.

I talked to him after his set. We talked about his covers and his original music and he looked me dead in the eyes the entire time. I talked to him during school whenever I could because he was either always in the basement singing or in the commons area right outside my AP Bio class. I gave him two burned CDs for Valentines Day and he took them and said thank you while looking me in the eyes again like his eyes are fucking darts and mine are bull's eyes and he smiled so genuinely that I swear to god that was basically one of the happiest moments of my junior year.

Even then I wasn't attracted to him. I don't know what I wanted from him, but, man, did I want it.

Well, all I really want to know now is what he thought about those CDs.