When I died

In a house hold of four lives a mother, a father, and two children who are a boy and a girl. The girl is the oldest among the two and is quite the prissy snob of the house; all she desires is attention and praise, though at times she is rather selfish, rude, and mean. One could suppose the attitude derived from some sort of childhood trauma, but through research she has found that there has been no such incident that led her to be the way she is.

Perhaps she is merely self-conscience, or there may be a psychological reason as to why she acts the way she does or she just envies everyone around her. Maybe there is something that dwells within the child that acts as a cause for her spite, and grit. But something tragic will happen to her in the future that will cause everything she knew about herself, shatter the stained glass she one idealized.

She despised many things, and people for she thought no one could understand her. As common as the idea of not being understood as a person, she felt she was too different from those around her. No one really knew how great of a person she was, because all they saw was the glazed, sarcastic shell she tried to protect herself in.

There was only one being on this earth who she loved dearly, and that was her Chocolate Labrador, Retriever, “Candy.” There has always been a soft-spot in her heart that was set apart from her otherwise, (please excuse the term) hard-ass appearance. This is a fact, she loves animals, all kinds, but she has always had an indescribable connection with her canine companion, Candy. You see, she knew how others viewed her, but she knew that Candy would never judge, or hurt her. No matter how unknowable a person may seem, there are ways to connect with people like this, and the girl being talked about (if you haven't figured it out) is me, the writer, the speaker.

Now to pick up where I left off, without a hazy veil.

I loved that dog, I have always felt that no matter how indifferent I was to other people, I could always confess to her the reason behind my self degrading actions, and I thought that I would always have that to come home to. But the familiarity of knowing I would always have that energetic outlet... it blew out, leaving a scorch mark on my eyes. I was left with a feeling of panic, I mean what was I going to do without my beloved Candy, who was going to listen to me? Who was going to be the embracing pillow that I could cry into? ...No one.

My universe, crumbled between my fingers, one by one the stars swelled up, one by one each explodes leaving nothing put a cloud of stellar debris and there is no be to blame, all there is are questions with no answers. I prayed to a God that didn't exist, hoping everything was just a dream. It was to be trapped in a endless dark forest with a trail path that forked at every turn. No one could understand the feeling of having your heart ripped out and stomped on, this is something that no one should ever feel. As we speak I am crippled over in pain reliving the guilt, the anger, and the loss... I died January 13, 2013, along with my Candy.

When I died, I felt that whatever demented humanoid that once dwelled within my soul was destroyed with all of the fallacies that encased the creature.

With that death, emerged a new life, a new hope, and a new will. Hope to change who I was was derived through what I am writing now, I feel that ever since both my dog and my other half passed on, there is a new hope to become something greater and to aspire to be all I can be. For whatever grief I expressed, was necessary to tell my story, and my story hasn't finished, because there are still some parts of me that need to be changed, and with that change, this story will change.