Bear with me, I'm a little under the influence.
So, four of my absolute best guy friends are in a band. Three of them live together. D, C, and A. I'm not using actual names just for privacy reasons. My best friend Erin is dating C. I have had a major thing for D and A since I've met them. They're both extremely attractive both in personality and looks. However, I connect so much more with A.
We are very similar people, we both have substance abuse problems, we both have the same family backgrounds, we're very 'nerdy' and have the same interests. We can sit for hours and just talk about random things. He sits with me after their shows and shares his drinks and e-cig with me. He almost acts like a boyfriend towards me. But, I've tried for so long to get with him and nothing. He never showed any interest, or acted this way (the whole sit with me/act like a boyfriend thing) until D showed interest in me.
D and I have things in common as well, but we don't talk like A and I do. He doesn't sit with me after shows. He barely shows me attention unless it's in the bedroom. D and I started a 'friends with benefits' thing recently following him grabbing me and kissing me at the stroke of the New Year. We have some random pillow talk occasionally, but other than that it's mostly sex for us. If I'm on the barricade at their shows he'll lean into my face and sing some of their more romantic lyrics to me, but other than that he doesn't pay me attention like A does.
An example of their behavior is tonight. My roommates and I had a bonfire at our house and I invited both of them. D said it sounded like fun, but that he didn't want to come. A said he really wanted to come, but he had work at 6 am and couldn't because of that.
I'm just so confused. I really like both of them, but for once in my life I really want a relationship and not just meaningless sex. I'm not saying what D and I do in the bedroom is meaningless, because it's definitely not ( at least to me). But I want someone that will be there for me. Some one I can cuddle with and share my dreams and goals with. Part of me thinks that D might ask me out once he's finally finished with his internship next month and wants to wait to talk to him about our "relationship" until then. At the same time, however, I think (as well as Erin) that A is really starting to like me because I'm now unavailable to him and he see's that I'm 'sane' so to speak (his last girlfriend a year or so ago was absolutely batshit insane, and the only time he ever really saw me before D and I started our thing I was wasted and acting like an idiot).
Erin's convinced that if D and I's 'thing' ever ended that A would come after me and that he really likes me. But I don't know that I'd end D and I's 'thing' even after the talk I'm initiating next month if he would say that he doesn't want anything more from me than what he's already getting. Simply because I don't know for sure that A likes me that way.
Just ugh. I needed to vent, and why not vent to random internet stranger? Any thoughts/advice would be so appreciated.
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