What can I even do? Nothing.

Have you ever just had the urge to drive with your eyes closed? I have, and I've done it. Tonight actually. I didn't crash but I would have welcomed it. It's just one of those times where everything is shit. Absolutely everything. And looking forward, nothing looks promising at all. I feel like it's all going to get worse. I'm not depressed, just upset. My depression gave me inspiration and motivation to want to write, but my pills are working and I'm not feeling like I use to feel and now I can't find any reason to write and it's upsetting. I think I'm just confused about how I'm feeling. I don't know. But that's not the only thing that's bothering me. You aren't suppose to tell someone you "love" that they should change.. right? Isn't that how things work? You fall in love with them because of how they are, and good or bad you are suppose to take that. Or maybe I'm wrong. I don't think I'm cut out for relationships. I never was really. But alas, I am stuck now. And I don't know what to do. I don't know how to cope because I feel like I don't know what to write anymore. I could talk to my psychologist, but I know what she's going to say and I know that I don't want to hear it. Am I still depressed? What's the difference between depression and sadness? Is it bad that I can't even tell bloody difference? Ugh. Rambling and ranting about nothing. It's all I can do.