False Aspirations

I'm trying to change my aspirations in life.

To begin with, no I will not do what others want me to do, to achieve. Everyone is telling me that in order to succeed in life I need study for a job that will guarantee me money. But it's not what I want, I want to write. That's all I care for, it's my passion and what brings me the most happiness and relief in life. I've been ashamed of my writing, I've been told my teachers, consolers and friends that it's to dark or it's untrue. But I learned that it's my writing and in ways it reflects me as a person. I've learned to share my writing, not just to the wonderful people of the internet but new teachers, new friends and new people. I've gained courage in taking my writing into classes and having it be evaluated and criticized and even have it presented to an audience of people.

I've learned that it can be a career if I want it to be a career, I've met someone this semester that takes writing seriously. So why can't I?

I've learned to stop achieving false ideas of the perfect body image. For years I've struggled with an eating disorder and it's still plaguing my mind. But I'm learning that it's okay to embrace the body I have, because its the only body I will ever have. I've learned to try and achieve a thigh gap, and hip bones that jut from my skin. That's not who I am, I am a curvy girl with wide hips and slightly broad shoulders and I'm learning to love that about me.

Lastly, I'm learning to let people in. It's true that everyone comes into your life for a reason. Each person I have met in my lifetime was there for a reason, it's not my job to find that reason. It hurts when they leave, it hurts that I may never see them again but every time a person comes into my life it teaches me something. At first I was taught to not trust people, they are all deceiving and wear fake mask to hide their true selves. That didn't hold true to everyone, there were people in my life that brought joy and happiness,

Pure happiness.