Random musings

Today, I can't seem to get my thoughts together enough to write a cohesive blog on one particular subject. Instead, I'm just going to throw out some thoughts I've had today. Hope you don't mind :) Warning: some of these things may be sad since it is quite a dreary day here in Virginia.

Yesterday, my sister reminded me that Thursday was the seventh anniversary of my mom's passing. When she reminded me, I was sad. Of course, I was sad because losing anyone you care about sucks. I think I was more sad that I had completely forgotten about it. I knew the day was coming up soon, but I didn't even think about it at all on the actual day. I also felt slightly guilty. I won't ever forget my mom and I miss her every day despite the fact that I still hold a lot of resentment towards her. I just feel like I should have been very aware of the day and should have taken the time to reflect on her life. I feel like I'm moving on, which I feel like I should, but I feel guilty over that. I don't know.

I realized today that I have an obsession with nail polish. I'm quite fond of any pink nail polishes apparently. Sadly, I have bitten off all of my nails so I can't even use my nail polishes currently.

I've been dreaming more and more of the A7X boys. I seem to have dreams of Zee every morning and I wake up right before the fun part. It is incredibly frustrating. No matter how hard I try to force myself back to sleep, I can't.

I'm addicted to Doublemint gum. I can't help it. It is so damn tasty. I could literally stuff an entire pack in my mouth and be happy as a clam.

I'm starting my fourth year of pharmacy school and I'm terrified. If you weren't already aware, the fourth year of pharmacy school is completely unlike the first three years of pharmacy school. The fourth year is all rotations- meaning I'm no longer in a classroom 9-5 every day. Instead, I'm basically working as a responsible adult in a pharmacy 9-5 every day. I don't mind working, it is the responsible part I'm nervous about. When I say responsible, I mean I'm responsible for people's lives. Not that I'm not at work, but on rotations I'm the one who has the final say in a patient's care sometimes. That scares the bejeezus out of me. I guess it is the only way to get ready for the real world of working, though.

My boss complimented me on my weight loss today- she said I was wasting away in front of her! It felt good. I've lost 35 pounds so far. I'm still working my ass off to lose more and I've got a long way to go. I just want to be at a healthy BMI.

I submitted my resume the other day for my first job as a pharmacist. I can't even begin to describe how nerve-wracking that was. I'm not ready to grow up yet.

Today's a missing Jimmy kind of day. Any dreary day makes me think of him. Not because he was dreary. No, instead, I think dreary days make me think of the Rev because they remind me that the world isn't as bright without him. I listened to So Far Away on repeat on the way to work today. I still can't listen to that song without crying like a baby. The pain the boys felt and surely feel every day is so apparent in that song.

I told my fiance the other day that I want to take guitar lessons and that I want a guitar for Christmas. I didn't think he would go for it, but he seems to be okay with it. I explained to him that now that my life doesn't revolve around school, I want to take up a new hobby. That just so happens to be playing the guitar. So, I'm going to take some guitar lessons through Guitar World this summer which I'm super excited about. I'll be using his crappy guitar until I get mine in December, but it is worth the wait. He even asked me to show him the guitar I want last night. He was not impressed and even asked me if it had to come with the 6661 sticker on it. I laughed at him and explained that that was part of what I loved about the guitar. He doesn't get it, but at least he's willing to buy it for me.

I have to prepare tonight and tomorrow for my first day of rotation. I feel like I'll definitely forget something. Gahhh, I'm not ready for this!

There's nothing as comforting as curling up on your couch in a warm Vengeance University hoodie wrapped up in a blanket watching TV while it is gloomy outside. Well...it might be more comforting if Mr. Vengeance himself was here with me.

I think that's enough randomness for now. I need a nap!