Non-Updates Equal a Downward Spiral of Craziness

Sigh.

First of all, bonjour! Welcome to my blog!
I'm Alice by the way. (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧
Today will be more simple emojis, as I'm trying to make this short but sweet, you know.

If you guys are familiar with me (which is very, very unlikely as I've maintained a rather nobody status on Mibba, haha (・∀・ )) it's most likely because either a) I am the writer of Homophobe or b) I blog about gay fiction occasionally and make lists of sorts.
This blog mostly has to do with the first.

I'm not sure about you Mibba writers, but at once I used to pump out updates once a week.
Ahh, those times were beautiful. (▰˘◡˘▰)
Now...

I've been avoiding Mibba mostly because I feel so horrible.
The last two updates have had an entire month in between.
A month.
I still don't even know how I've managed to maintain any subscribers at all (which by the way, if you are by some beautiful crazy chance still subscribed to this story of mine, I offer you the biggest thank you from the very bottom of my heart, seriously, let me love you) and have a serious feeling that most my readers are severely unimpressed with me.

It's honestly like a downward spiral of bleh. (╥﹏╥)
After updating, I love the feeling.
No one is waiting on me.
People comment.
I bathe in the glow of not only wonderful, wonderful feedback but of the weight that is lifted off my chest that yes, I have updated.

But that feeling sometimes lingers a little too long, and a week goes by (too quickly), and I'm still thinking that I have time to update.
It's no big deal.
Then a second week.
Oh, it's fine.
Then the third week comes.

This when I hide out in shame. ಥ_ಥ
Because I am a horrible person. And then it's a month.
And I don't even want to look at Mibba because it's like a constant reminder of you are disappointing everyone.

Mostly because you have all been so wonderful to me and by not updating I'm being super horrible to you guys and ugh, I feel so bad.

And then I get to the point where it's been so long does anyone even care anymore?
Should I even update?
Am I just kicking a dead horse? o(╥﹏╥)o

Do you guys ever feel this way? Do you guys ever do this? Because it's been happening so much to me, ugh.
I just want to finish this story so badly.
How do you guys deal with this? How do you keep consistent with updates?
I have five chapters left. And I always tell myself to just do it but I don't know why, I can't.
I psych myself out that it won't be good enough.
And that I'll let everyone done.
Sigh. Why do I do this to myself? ヽ(￣д￣;)ノ

However, if you are still a faithful reader, I am glad to report that I am beginning the next chapter right now and will be posting it later tonight.
I am ditching sleep because I feel so guilty over this, haha.
Please continue to love me despite my rather pathetic self. (✿ ♥‿♥)

Also in other news you should take a gander at my contest, so far I've gotten four entries and I'm hoping that more people will join! (*≧▽≦)

Also, please don't be scared to recommend gay fiction!
I really want to do a take four of my gay fiction lists (one and two and three) mostly because at least the first one garnered a lot of attention, so hopefully you guys like them?

Who knows, maybe your story will be next! (●´∀｀●)

This wasn't very short at all, haha.

Anyway, thank you for reading, au reviour! <3
And have a dandy day~! ｡◕‿◕｡