I just got my heart stomped on and I can't even cry

I'm so fucking done.

After everything I've finally had it. There is no coming back from this one. Two days ago you were telling me how much you loved me and that you'd give me the world were it in your power. I never wanted the world you dumbass. It was always just you.

Then on prom night, fucking prom night. At the fucking prom you tell me that you love me, you love your girlfriend, but more than both of us you're in love with your best fucking friend.

And I stood there and I listened like it didn't make me want to die. I let you get it all out of your system, not crying just silently wishing that that would be the moment I would start believing in god if he killed me right then and there.

But he didn't and I remain faithless. Faithless, broken, and done.

If it wasn't bad enough hearing all of that, you then continued to use my own fucking words to continue to stomp on my heart.

"You remember what you said, how if you really love someone you would do anything to keep them from getting hurt? That's her for me. If I were to take a bullet for someone it's her. It's always her."

That was when I begged you to stop. But instead you kept talking. Said you'd take a bullet for me too but it was her not me. But that it meant something that I stayed and listened.

I had to walk away after that. Because I was starting to have a panic attack. I couldn't breathe. Like not the emotional over dramatic. I literally couldn't breathe.

It's done. We are done. I can't do this anymore. I can't listen to you telling me the things you think I want to hear. I can't keep listening to you telling me about all the other irks you love too. I can't keep being the fallback, the only one who's stupid enough to stick around. I'm done. I'm not strong enough for this shit.

I am trying to learn to value myself, to value my life. I'm trying to learn that I'm worth something. Trying to rise above the depression that's been in control of my life for so long. I'm trying to learn to appreciate and love my life. And that can't happen when I've got you saying these things to me that make me want to die. So if you for even one second loved me, even a millisecond believe that I'm not being over dramatic. This is the end. I can't do this anymore. I'm not overreacting. If you had seen me just moments after I finally walked away you would understand. You would know that this time it went too far, that my friends were genuinely afraid I would go and do something stupid because of you. And to be perfectly honest for a whole there I was afraid I would too.

That's not what it's supposed to be like. And that's not what it's ever going to be like again. What we have/had is toxic. And you might be coming out of this unscathed, but it's killing me.