Breaking Point

Lately it seems all I've been surrounded with is heartbreak and pain. I've seen relationships crumble, lives change, friendships end, and families torn apart. My own life has begun a downward spiral that I can't seem to stop. Sleepless nights have become my friend, and nightmares haunt me on those nights I do find sleep. Things seem to go from bad to worse as the days trudge along. I've been forced to realize I will probably die without ever speaking to my older brother ever again. It was a stinging pain to begin with, but I've numbed myself to that now. My life has completely changed from a year ago. And if I go back to two years, or three years, I wouldn't recognize it. Some things that I've left in the past belong forgotten; others I'd pay to have back. Some people I'd soon enough not have in my life; and some I miss everyday. Either way, everything is different now. I've given up the fight to fix it. It's a hopeless battle I've lost time and time again. I won't deny the fact that I'm at a loss. A lonely, miserable loss. I question happiness because it seems no one is happy anymore. People are with each other not out of love, but out of something fake. Friends lying and betraying each other. Families torn in two for countless reasons. And it seems the people who belong together are always forced to be apart, and I can't understand any of it. Stubbornness and pride take hold over every good intention in people. Every action has an alternative motive behind it, and everyone lies. And as this world we live in sinks farther into a desolate state of being, I long for an absolution for something unreal. Maybe it's a person, whose name I may or may not know. Maybe it's a place I may or may not have visited. Or maybe it's a dream, I may or may not believe in anymore. All I know is all I have left that I can do is pray. And I pray that I can find some peace of mind. Because my thoughts are slowly eating me alive. And I don't know how much more I can stand before I completely break -- break like everything else around me.