Why I don't write a lot of smut

Writing smut seems to be the hardest thing for me except spelling.

I've only written slash. I'm not a guy, never have been, never will be. It's just that simple. It's hard to write about sensations you've never felt or write about actions you have never done. I just base everything about what is said to be felt.

Secondly, being gay, as in liking only girls, makes the whole writing two guys thing is hard. The reason I write slash between two guys and read that is that a lot of lesbian erotica is directed at straight men. It just isn't appealing. This is not uncommon feeling, in fact this very issue was brought up in the movie, The Kids are Alright. I also write fanfiction, in particular about bands. There aren't many females involved in the music I listen to. The only ones I can name off the top of my head are Sandra Alvarenga (Modern Day Escape, ex-Black Veil Brides), Hayley Williams (Paramore), Korey Cooper (Skillet), and Jen Ledger (Skillet). Korey Cooper is nearly as old as my mom. That leaves three, not a lot.

Third, I connect more with band members I like. I’ve had an in depth conversation with Chad Kowal. I can connect with lyrics. There is tons of stuff on the internet from the people I write about. I can start to form a character base.

Fourth, if you ever met me in real life, you would never guess about what I write. Ironically, I tend to be the last person people suspect of self-harming yet I have the scars to show the fight. Even after saying my favorite song is “The Last Night” by Skillet (formally, it got replaced by The War Against Ourselves by Joel Faviere). I’m a very quiet person and even more introverted. I will talk to people now, but that is from years of being ridiculed by my dad for being so shy.

Finally, I know this sounds self-centered and stupid, but there isn’t that much of an audience for femslash. I wrote a poem the other night that happens to be in Hebrew. I’m surprised it even got the 8 reads it did. The only reason I bothered publishing it is because I’ve had it written for about a year and it is an entire four lines long. To write the long pieces I do, it wouldn’t be worth the effort if no one read it.

I feel like my smut is terrible, but others seem to like it. I just wanted to explain that if you aren't getting a lot of smut from me it's because it's very difficult for me, and I do some research to make it at least somewhat realistic. This also goes to explain why I don't update Closer as often as I do my other two stories. If anyone is interested I might consider writing a femslash with you.