My life after suicide attempts.

So I do realize that the title is kind of terrible.

But it's seriously something that I want to talk about. In December some terrible things happened. I went through a miscarriage, went through a terrible heartbreak and had a best friend completely betray me. Actually it was more like three best friends.

I have been suffering from Severe Depression and Acute Anxiety Order ever since I can remember. And many people find that those disorders seem to be irrelevant and we can make ourselves feel better without medication. They are vastly wrong. They don't understand the thoughts and emotions that run through you whenever you feel like the world have completely given up on you. I'm one of the few lucky ones, I had my daughter to help me through it all. I also had enough of my will left to throw up the pills I downed on a distressing drunken night.

These disorders are actually genetic. Normally if you are suffering from one, someone in your family has or has had it.

Going through the things that I went through I don't really feel as if I'm a stronger person. I am just happy that I am still alive and kicking. And Im so happy that I can be back on this site and updating the things that I have written. They were always my true loves.

I'm really not sure how I feel about admitting that I actually tried to kill myself. It's still hard really talking about it. Especially with people who are close to me. I always find that talking to people who have no idea who I am is so much easier. Because they dont throw that guilt onto you. They don't look at you with those eyes of "Are you fucking seriously saying this to me right now." Even the Doctors I have trouble with telling them things. When the doctors first found out because I needed someplace to go so that i wouldnt do anything stupid, they called my mom and explained to her what was going on, she just cried and kept going on about how she had failed. That is the main reason why I had never told her any of my personal thoughts.

I never gave her permission and shortly after I was admitted into a hospital.

Now this year I am 23 years old. And This all happened back in December and January. Being admitted into the hospital was a good and bad thing. Bad because I had a week to think about nothing but my problems and good because I finally got on the medication that just seemed to change everything.

I guess what I really want to say through this journal entry, Im directing toward the people who are suicidal.

There is life after the feelings. Don't give up. Things DO get better. I know that might not seem like much coming from someone youve never even met, but have a leap of faith and trust me. If you have thoughts, talk to someone, go to a support group here on Mibba or just find a support chatroom. Doesnt matter, talking to friends and family seem to always put me in a worse state when I was having a low moment. And no matter what think of all the things that you want to do in your life. There is so much more to your life than the place you live, the crappy situation you have or the ex boyfriend who tore your heart out. Emotions are very tricky. But it's amazing what that small pill that your doctor prescribes can do.

And please dont say that no medcation works on you. My dad is Severe Schizophrenic, Severe Manic - Depressive, Severe Depression, Severe Anxiety and I think there is one more. I cant remember the name of it. You have no idea how many medications that that man has went through. He went through years and years of self medicating. And lived through an abusive childhood. But he made it. He now has 2 children who love him more than anything, a wife who has stuck by him through everything. And a precious grandbaby who wants her papa all the time and cries when he leaves without telling her.

There is life after your Suicide attempts. There is life after being diagnosed with Severe Depression. Life after break-ups, life after death and there is life after miscarriages. And me and my father are two people that have made it through the numerous Suicide Attempts. His more destructive than mine. He walked in front of a bus once, He broke nearly every bone in his body but hes still alive and kicking. Amazingly.

Don't give up. & if you need someone I will walk beside you. Hold your hand and pull you to the surface so you wont drown. Everyone else might give up on you, or dont want to deal with that drama. But I wont ever give up on you. I promise, pinkie swear.