Alesana

I've recently been listening to Alesana again. It's not a bad thing, it'll never be a bad thing. Listening to theses songs again and listening to these lyrics I'm reminded of all the pain I was feeling. But what's worse is that that pain, that ate me up from the inside out is coming back again after I've just began to get better.

What's worse is that I have no clue how to tell anyone because this time, I'm not brave enough to even admit to myself that I'm dealing with this all over again. I've only just tasted what happiness felt like and it's being ripped away from me once more.

I just I don't know, it's pathetic to say this but I hardly seeing myself living long enough to get married or have kids to get a career and live my life. I really see no future for myself and I'm beginning to view myself as a waste of space and existence.

Again, I don't know how to tell anyone that I need help because my family and best friend is convinced I'm cured. And I'm not, it's gotten worse.

I don't want it to get to the point that I do succeed in suicide.