So I figure I may as well use the blog portion of this somewhat.

First update on here sadly has to be depressing and blah.
Spending the last hour crying so hard it makes your arms shake and make you feel like throwing up.
Sometimes it's hard even trying to imagine letting some things go or have things work out differently than you planned. But it's even harder in the anxiety of waiting to find out if things are going the way you want or if it's all some illusion and is about to fall flat.

On a side note,
I like hugs.
Not those passing ones you get in greetings or farewells; Short and unsatisfying and merely for the occasion, nor those friendly ones of accomplishment. Or anything like that. I like the sort of hugs of a long missed companion or a lover. The kind where you squeeze tightly as if trying to become a part of them, they burn your chest, make it ache and pain. The kind where letting go means losing an arm, a leg.. a piece of your heart.

Andddd some other random info/updates on my life:
-I've lost 12lbs in the last week
-I haven't slept in 2 days
-My diet consists of Tea
-It's been blisteringly hot out where I live
-My mother continues to neglect paying the money she owes
-I need physical therapy

But on the plus side it's 5am and I get to get ready for work in about a half hour. *thumbs up*