Hometown Nostalgia

So, it's officially summer. I still have two exams to return to school for (June 20 and 21), but I'm done another 144 days of regular classes! Honestly, it doesn't feel any different, despite this summer being different than all the rest. I never had anything to look forward to when summer vacation came around, because my family doesn't go on expensive trips to Florida, or even to amusement parks. We don't do anything together, really. I usually just lock myself in my room and sleep from eight in the morning to five when my mom gets off work, then I stay up all night on the computer. Yes, my vacations are so exciting.

But this year, I'm leaving home. I grew up in this place called Cambridge, and I hate it. I still love it, of course, because it's my home. But I can't stay here. Everyone here is damned and fucked. Cambridge is toxic, and I hate leaving, but I have to if I know what's good for me. Brantford and it's school will be good for me. It's just going to be so hard, saying goodbye to all my friends and family.

I only started thinking about actually leaving today when I was leaving school for the third last time, with people I'll probably never see again; some I haven't known long, others I've known for years. These next couple months are the last I'll spend here, and after that, I'm not coming back. I'll visit from time to time of course, especially since most of the people I know are here, but I just can't stay here. Yeah, I'm sad to be going. I've grown so attached to this place. I've been through everything here: addiction, love, heartbreak, trauma, complete happiness. Maybe that's why I need to leave; too many bad memories to replay, and too many good ones to miss.

The aching nostalgia for home I've heard people sing about is even setting in. You know, the kind of way Matty Mullins sings of his wife, or how Kellin Quinn sings of his own. I've gotten so used to this couch I'm laying on; sleeping on it almost every night out of the week because I pass out before realizing I'm tired. I've gotten so used to the balcony I stood out on for five hours last summer, thinking about Shay and smoking an entire pack of cigarettes to myself. I've gotten so used to the park I sneak out of the house to go to at three in the morning to meet Bonnie and play with my Ouija board in. I've gotten so used to the faces and people I see, the school's I've been to, and the streets I've driven, walked, and biked down. I'm going to be so lost when I leave.

I'm not afraid, though. I'm trying my best to be as optimistic as possible, although I don't have many doubts for the future this time. Maybe I should be afraid, just because I have no doubts and a lot of things in my life have proven to me why I should, but I trust Shay this time, so. She's been the only thing really preventing me from quitting and dropping it all, saying 'forget it' and just staying here. She's my motivation to get my shit together and in gear, and finally do something for myself. In this case, it's leaving this city and the people that have been bringing me down for years.

I have no doubt that everything will be great in Brantford. I'll be happy and settled in with my beautiful girlfriend, I'll be accepted at school in the new program I'll be in, and I'll have no one keeping me from the things I want, and being the person I want to be. I'm sixteen, motherfuckers, and I have the whole world in front of me. This is the start of my life, and God, it will be great.