DONE.

So, I just ran into my sister. She tried to tell me that our sperm donor loves her, and after the last eighteen years of chances he he’s had he finally decided to man up and realize he has kids out there. I didn’t even think she felt at last some remorse, even if she looked like there were tears in her eyes. She just kept on saying that she was sorry, that she loved me and everyone else and didn’t mean to hurt me, but I don’t think she realized that just standing there and trying to tell me this was hurting me even more.

She told me I looked good and that I looked like I lost a lot of weight—I don’t feel like I did. Actually, I’ve been a little depressed lately and thought that I’ve been eating away my heartbreak. The doctor said I weighed less than my last visit, but I feel like it’s the opposite.

I’ve been different, I feel, ever since my sister didn’t come home that night. I stay home a lot and don’t really see any of my friends. I feel really stupid for not going out, but I really just don’t want to. I really just want to stay home and get lost in books, in another reality that isn’t my own.

I lost my mom earlier this year, but I didn’t imagine to lose my sister, my best friend the same year. She is someone else entirely; it is almost as if she is gone—just as my mother is.

I begged her to get a psych eval, but she wouldn’t hear me out. I’ve taken more Psychology classes at my college, and still I’m taking more. I understand better what the symptoms are and feel that she’s got some of them symptoms of bi-polar. My mother was bi-polar, and my Uncle. She just thinks she as ADHD, but she doesn’t.

The thing that got to my, though, was when she called my step-father by his name, and not dad; the only man who ahs been there since we were 2 and 3 years old. I had to leave then, after telling her she made a huge mistake in that. I felt my heart break all over again and it took everything in me not to run back to her, to take her in my arms and to carry her home.

I didn’t even wanna tell my parents that I ran into her, but there was no way I could hide any of that. I had rode my bike to the store to make it faster, so when I had trouble putting that away I got frustrated and I was already an emotional mess so that didn’t help. I then managed to step on some glass, which made it worse. By then I was bawling my eyes out.

But I’m sorry for this ramble. Just wanted to get something out there.

DONE. - The Band Perry