Letting The Pain In My Chest Consume Me

I'm all the time telling the people closest to me that I wish I could put my feelings into words.

I wish that I could put how I feel right at this very moment into words so you could understand my pain and my agony. But I don't know how to put it into words. I'm going to try, but I can't promise anything about eloquence at this point.

Have you ever felt like your chest was going to concave in on itself from the weight of the pain that's on your heart? I'm in so much emotional pain it's literally fucking hurting my chest. I feel my heart literally breaking.

And honestly I just don't know how to cope with that shit happening. I generally know the answer to anyone's question, and I help them through my problems. But now I can't answer my own fucking problems much less someone else's.

I can't even begin to tell you how much I want to give up right now.

I was never a major self harmer, nor did I ever cut too deeply, or dramatically.

But right now I feel like slashing my own wrists and ending shit once and for all.
I know that's melodramatic and not funny to say at all but it's to the point now, where I just can't handle feeling this way anymore.

I hate being ignored, I hate being treated like a fucking idiot.
Mostly though I hate being looked over.

Even as I try right here and right now I can't fit my mind around possible words to validate my pain.

I literally just want to go lay on my bed and let my chest crack in half.

I might feel better soon, when I preoccupy myself with something else but that won't happen until tomorrow and right now I feel like I could off myself and no one would even fucking notice.

I need someone to talk to.
Or cry on.
Or something.

I'm fucking drowning. I feel so alone.

I realize I'm being whiny and fucking annoying.

But I'm entitled to that every once in a while.

I don't think this entire blog made sense really, but whatever.
I just need someone to talk to so please, someone"