Yeah I said Danish because I'm not sure if the word "Darn" is considered profanity on this site? I'm not sure of a lot of things on this site anymore. Some days...this place feels completely foreign to me. I don't mean to offend anyone by this either....
I don't know what is wrong with me but I am just sick of writing Fan Fiction now. I won't say why because I'll end up going down a road that will more than likely get me banned. We aren't really free to post our true opinions so I guess....you'll just have to not know the exact reason why I am sick of it.
I'm contemplating on stop writing Fan Fiction all together and putting all of my existing A7X stories on a major hiatus. I mean...it's not really that I hate writing it so much....it's what happens when I write it and post it on here that I dislike. Once again....I'm not going into it. I wish we all lived in a world where people accepted us truly...for the way we view things...especially in fictional stories. I'm just so....it's hard to even describe how I'm feeling. I feel defeated and annoyed.
These are just a few reasons why I am going to step away from Fan Fiction. I will still read all of your Fan Fictions because I love Avenged Sevenfold more than any other band....but I just can't write it anymore right now. I need a break not that it will fix what I'm finding wrong with it. I'm sure when I attempt at writing it again....it's still not going to be good enough and the same problem I have with it now will STILL be there lurking and ready to fucking attack.
I just.........I want to scream and pull my hair out now. I just want to say thanks for that. I'm not talking to any specific person either...just talking to the wind and to the secret reasons on why I'm not writing Fan Fiction anymore for a while.
It has nothing to do with Avenged Sevenfold. I still love them. They aren't at fault here. I may take some time and start my first Original Fiction on this site soon. I'm sure though that that won't go over so well either. I'm just fed up and sick of this. I'm sick of the inevitable now a days. I do feel maybe more comfortable about writing an Original Fiction now because I feel that there isn't as much expectation as there is with Fan Fiction.
I'm getting to the point where I don't much care if anyone reads what I write. Yeah I write for myself and yeah I enjoy when people leave me positive comments...but if people don't read my work...then it won't be picked a part ever. I want to be able to write without fearing it's gonna be not what someone was expecting or that it didn't fit their standards.
No I'm not explaining that either. I'm just really sick of explaining myself. When you feel the need to explain why you did such and such with a character or why you wrote something a certain way, what is the point? If posting your stories starts to make you feel constant dread instead of joy...then why keep posting?
I know this is cliche to say and I do like some aspects of the newer Mibba and LOVE the people I talk to on here now (you should know who you are by now)...but I miss the old Mibba. I miss some of the people who used to be here and their more "easy going" attitude. Everyone wasn't always so critical and hating each other. Some of you may not ever experience any of these things I'm talking about and some of you may think Mibba today is wonderful. Well props to you and I am truly happy for you but that is not how I feel and that is not how everyone is going to feel.
Yes I am happy with some aspects of how Mibba is today. Yes maybe Mibba isn't as good as it could be for me because of me and how I'm feeling...but it also could not be making me happy because of how some people act here too. I'm not naming names. There isn't even ONE person on my mind right now as I'm writing this...it's just...shit happens ya know? It seems that the shit is happening more and more and I am simply tired of it. I am exhausted and just don't want to hear it anymore.
At this point and time...I'm honestly not sure how much involvement I will be putting into this site for awhile. I will still reply to your comments, comment on blogs, and post blogs occasionally. I will still read stories, but I'm not posting any updates on my Fan Fictions for a bit. It won't be forever so please don't go unsubscribe! I just need a REAL break from Fan Fiction writing. I need to clear my head and get a new outlook on it. I also want to take a step back from it because I don't want my own negativity or feelings for the way things are to rub off on you guys or influence you. If Mibba makes you happy...then that truly warms my soul and I'm thrilled that it still works for you.
Having said that...........I am posting these song lyrics so maybe some of you can fucking understand what I'm going through without me having to have a total break down....start cursing....and get banned for my real opinions. I've chosen the lyrics out of the song below that fit and apply most to my feelings.
Avenged Sevenfold/Crossroads
If I was perfect then this would be easy
Either road is plausible on both I could drown
I walk through the center with no rules to guide me
I realize it's difficult but now I can see
The left isn't better
It's just more of the same
Condemning all these people for what they believe
I'll climb to the top of their mountain again
No harness up to save me this way
And the closer to the top I get
The more they take aim
But I'm not you
I may not be perfect but I've always been true
I may not be worthy in your eyes
Climb up from the bottom for the last time,
The last one, the last one, the last time
Yep...those lyrics pretty much explain my struggle.
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