Monster

Recovery....What does it even mean and do you ever really get better or push the thought in the back of your mind? I like to believe its the first choice, but sometimes I really don't know. The thoughts wander back into the frontal lobe of my mind and sometimes make me feel crazy then I start to question myself and who I am which makes me feel even more crazy because the more I think about it the more I start to forget who I am and once your to that point your only hanging onto reality by a single thread. Once you slip from reality that place, that dark place you go to becomes your home it becomes the only thing you know it becomes your safe place and that monster taking over becomes the new you and it consumes every ounce of happiness every ounce of faith every ounce of love until your...nothing. So is recovery real? Well after all the years of living in that, my dark/safe place after all the talks and contemplating if there's something more, I don't think so because no matter how much you fight your monsters they'll always be there waiting for just one more slip.