Getting jiggy with it nananananaaa. (Alternativley: story updates) (very important) (a must-read)

Hey Mibbsies!

I just went from Sassy Pink Gaskarth to The Real Slim Shady to The Real Mitt Romney to Da Real Barack Obama to Actual Thug Obama to BILINSKI and now I'm back to The Real Slim Shady. Great talk, guys. Onwards to the good stuff -- my storaaaaays:

The List

I updated that last Saturday and there should hopefully be an update again this Saturday (same goes for anything else I put on here). It's about this dude, Isaac, who wants to kill himself but can't because he's "got shit to do." Meaning: he isn't ready to die yet, but he's going to be. Toooootally going to be. Then this dude, Anthony, comes along and creeps into Isaac's don't-curr mind and that pisses him off because hello, he's supposed to be dying, thank you. (AKA my favorite thing I'm writing ever)

Exert:

Isaac wants to die. Literally, physically, mentally, metaphorically - whatever. But he can't - at least not yet. He's just not ready, has a list of stuff, important stuff, that he needs to do. It's not one of those angsty, "I hate you Bethany and I'm going to stuff your purse with condoms and then knock it over between classes because fuck you," kinds of list. It is more of a - no, Isaac definitely hates Bethany and is definitely adding that to the list.

Gargantuan Clusterfuck

This dude Sam and his bffl Parker embark on the fantastical journey that is life and then whoa, here cometh Jared being a topsy-turvey not!douchebag but still a!douche-bag. (Meaning: I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO DESCRIBE THIS ONE YET WITHOUT GIVING AWAY THE REST OF THE PLOT)

Exert:

“Whose house is this again?” Sam shuffled across the wet lawn belonging to a house that was way too big for someone in his world.

“Jared. You know, the one from, uh… fuck it. The one from school.”

Sam rolled his eyes and grimaced when some water leaked through the hole in his sneaker. “I think there’s a lot of Jared’s going to our school, Parker.”

“Whatever, man. I think he’s the one from baseball in sixth grade,” Sam raised his eye at him to go on. “The guy whose ass you’d stare at all the time.”

Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner

Ah, yes, another favorite o' mine. Shane works at a gas-mart where he is continually traumatized by Janice (the old lady from hell, okay) and then whoa, enter Officer Beautiful Booty who Shane is like in love with but you know. Law stuff. Legal stuff. Legal law stuff. Or something. It's a chicken-based loveeeeeeeee.

Exert:

Shane's favorite thus far had been about the new deputy in town and how all the gals Janice eats lunch with are ready to drop their panties for him, married or not. To his discomfort, she'd actually used those words. He didn't even think that was possible at their age, and was so going to Google that when he went home.

Which he regrets, by the way. Googling it.

Shane knew all of this within the span of nine days on the job, and all from an old woman named Janice who came in daily for her fudge bar.

He really wanted to shoot himself.

Moderatley Homo

This bro, Sam, has a tumblr where he waxes poetic about the supa-hot guy who lives across the street from him. He's not gay, rather moderately homo for the dude. (Yeah, he's gay. He is so totally gay.) This is like the crack!fic of doom and is so fun to write.

Exert:

I'm moderately homo for Daniel. Not Daniel Tosh from TV, he's a douche-bag. Daniel who sits next to me in Crime and Justice. We've talked, like, twice. He's a pretty OK guy, considering his circumstances- I heard his cat choked on his goldfish when he was seven, and that probably did a number on him. His mom also bought him a Prius for his birthday, black, not powder blue, but still gay as fuck, I know. Mamma Daniel must be a tree hugger. She buys him these organic veggies from Trader Joe's that she chops up and puts in a container made from recycled materials. His iPhone 5 case is biodegradable (trust me, you can tell), and once, he left class early, leaving his half-eaten ham sandwich on our table, which I of course ate. Or tried to. It was definitely not ham. Some fucking vegetarian shit (which obviously wasn't important nor tasty enough to be remembered).

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Sooo those should all be updated sometime before Saturday.

And I meant to start Heteroflexible last night but then it turned into a completely different fic so I was like fuck shit uppppp but I'm starting it tonight fo shizzle.

So maybe that will even be updated before Sunday.

But the truth of the matter is that I hate posting/updating fics if it's not Saturday at 5pm. That is like my time, man.