Confrontation

The thing I'm terrified the most about is Confronting my friends and family and everyone on who I really am. They can say that they know me, but in reality, they have no clue. I've been joking around about it lately, but they all take it as a joke and negatively. It hurts so much because I want to be honest with them, I think I'm ready to tell after I've known for a year. After a year of abuse from myself, a year of hating myself, a year of wanting to be a hermit and never go out because, I'm scared. I'm scared on how the rest of them are going to view me. Are they still going to be friends with me? I hate caring about them. I know when I tell, they'll stop caring for me. So really I'm in denial on who cares about me, because if they really did, I don't think I would be as worried. When the school year comes I will tell them. I can't hide it from them any longer, because as much as I try to deny it, I care about them so much. I want these last 10 days to mean something to me. Because when they are up, I'm going to have no one.

I'm not telling my family until after I graduate College. I need a place to live, and I need money. It sounds selfish, but what they will do to me is so much worse.

I'm alone.