I don't usually read stories with multiple authors because I'm not a fan of splitting characters between authors, so bare with me!
This time around I'm going to take a look at GreenEyedMoon and birdbones's Asked Life to Death.
Starting with the layout, I can't express how much I love the banner that you've chosen for this story. It fits so perfectly with "Life and Death" and it's beautiful and creative. I know it must've taken some time to find this perfect picture.
As for the flowers that surround the content, it's beautiful, but I think that it distracts from the amazing banner that's on top. It makes the story busy and might keep people from realizing how perfect the banner is, seeing as the flowers don't fit with the story as well.
As for the summary, I really like the first two paragraphs, despite the verb tense change. For thousands of years Life and Death had been in their room, watching over the Earth and its inhabitants. But when they seem to be unappreciative and ignorant to how important they are, they are placed on Earth.
You switch between past and present tense, when you should keep it all past tense. . . . Life and Death had been in their room, watching over the Earth and its inhabitants. But when they became unappreciative and ignorant to how important they were, they were placed on Earth. Or something like that.
After the two authors are listed, I don't understand why there's another mini-summary. I think it should either be one or the other. The second part is so honest and beautiful, but it's confusing when separated from the rest.
In the first chapter, the first thing I noticed was the sentence structure. While it may be the author's (birdbones) writing style, when looking at it as I am, it seems a little choppy when it should flow a little more. I would suggest combining a couple more sentences to work on the flow, but that's completely optional.
Actually it really improves as the chapter goes on! I was really intrigued by the idea of memories of things she never experienced. I like the memories from the body and the memories from before she had a body. When she goes down the stairs, I love that she's staring at a disheveled man and wondering if he's who she thinks he is.
The grammar in the first chapter is really great. I didn't see one single mistake while reading through which is really nice.
In the second chapter, the male character actually clears up a lot of confusion in just the second paragraph, announcing that he must've switched places with the two souls who came together, but he also proposes many more questions (Were the other two guarding the Book now? Where's the female soul?)
The male character better personifies "Death". While reading Life's chapter, I didn't draw any parallelisms between Zoe and Life. Although they were pointed out in Thane's chapter (addiction causes death), it was still a really great aspect to be added to the chapter.
In the second chapter, I feel like Death/Thane is figuring everything out without really trying. I understand that Death has Thane's memories, but it wouldn't seem so sudden if you described how he remembers these memories.
At the end of chapter two, not very much is wrapped up, but it leaves a lot to be explained and answered.
Overall, the plot is really interesting and I really like the dual personalities in each character: Zoe/Life and Thane/Death. It's a very unique concept and I'm excited to see where it goes.
I would give this story four stars.
In order to get five stars, I would like to see more description about how they know what they know and how they know what mannerisms humans have since they never had bodies. I like when Zoe fell because it showed her unused to her legs, but I'd like to see more confusion in the future chapters.
This is a great story,and it has so much more potential to be even greater. I can't wait to see where this goes and I'd recommend it to anyone who wants to read a story that they've never seen before! And anyone who liked Diligence.'s "Looper".
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